Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How can i help my grand daughters father

My Step daughter and her boyfriend broke up a few months back now. They have a little girl together so we need to stay neutral between them but we want to help him heal his broken heart and let go of her and move on to other things. Because he has custody he needs to see her to exchange the baby and this is really tugging hard on his heart because he wants nothing more then to be a family again. Can anyone give me some words of wisdom to pass onto him. And i also don't want my step daughter to think we are betraying her because she likes being able to go back to him when ever she wants and leave when ever too. Thanks

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on May. 25, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • I just would tell him to keep faith in God, remember to keep the child the foremost focus at all times. Kudos to you for your kindness to all of them!

    Answer by Dahis at 9:01 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • First of all you need to tell your step duaghter to stop messing him around and make her mind up and then tell her ex boyriend that he needs to let go for the baby and even tho its going to very hard to let go in time his broken heart will heal

    Answer by jessybabi at 9:02 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • He has his own family to turn to, who certainly aren't comforting her. Be kind to him if you see him, but you should have your SD's back.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:11 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • He has no family to turn to we are all he has now. My Step daughter won't listen when we tell her she needs to just stay away from him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:16 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • then sit down with him without her knowing and have a good talk with him. let him know that she is just using him because that is what she is doing and messing with his head. its no wonder he has custody of the child. she needs to start acting like an adult

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:02 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • they have a child together, how is she supposed to just stay away? So she doesn't want to be with him anymore, men do that all the time yet when women do it they are mean! I had to deal with my ex even after he left me, because we have a child.....

    Answer by JLS2388 at 6:47 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • First off let me start by saying you sound like a very caring woman with a great big heart that wants nothing more than to help those around you that are hurting. But really your loyalty is towards your step-daughter. You can mention to this young man that she is using him and will hurt him more, only if he asks, I know it’s hard but ultimately you need to just stay out of this. It might come back to bite you, if you get in the middle of this.
    Doesn’t matter that your step-daughter isn’t a good person and he is, he already knows this from being with her, and if he doesn’t then he needs to learn it. And he will only learn it by dealing with her. It’s a growth process. They are both adults, with a child that they are raising, so they are going to need to learn how to deal with each other.
    Sorry Mumma, this is something you need to stay out of, in my opinion.

    Answer by Carolee1 at 11:15 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • It sounds like SDs fault. If you want to fix it then fix her behavior. He is going to feel torn if she is just yanking him around and being an and off with him!!! It isnt that she needs to stay away from him, she just needs to decide what kind of relationship they have. If it is a friendship only then she should be clear about that and make sure that nothing more is implied. Maybe you can set him up on a blind date??

    Answer by amber710 at 11:48 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • I think i agree with you Carolee1 I'm going to just try to stay out of this from here on out. I am also going to use your advice amber710 and have a talk with my SD and get her to set clear bounderies for her and for him. In the mean time my house stay neutral ground.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:30 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I would suggest 'Counseling' for both of them... so he can heal and move forward...and she can learn to 'grow up'.. They have a child together, so they are connected for Life.. The need professional help .. your family is too close to the situation... They will either learn how to get their relationship back 'on track' or how to work on 'moving forward' individually.. It's their 'choice', just be there for both of them when they need you, but don't interfere ...
    Dee R.

    Answer by Dee R. at 1:24 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.