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To 'butt in" or stay out of it ?

We have a large close knit family.. which sometimes is good and sometimes isnt.

I have an aunt who recently complained because everyone in the family found out her youngest child got in trouble at school, and everyone was calling and texting to find out why... so that annoyed her, and I can kind of understand that...she also said she just doesnt want the family butting in anymore.

NOW, I have found out some things about her 15 year old daughter.... first, she was caught making out with another girl ( which would be ok... ) but then a few days later, was with another girl, a week later, a boy... And now due to facebook ( i am the only family member on her friendslist) I have found out she is "seeing" this new boy who has been in trouble by the law several times... there is pictures of her driving ( she doesnt even have a permit) , her talking about speeding on the freeway, them partying and it talks about them getting "wasted" ....

Obviously bad behavior that needs taken care of.... would you still tell her mom even if her mom said for everyone to BUTT OUT..

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on May. 25, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (13)
  • Well, maybe mention she should check out her daughter's FB..........tell her you love her and leave it at that. What a pickle! Good luck mama!

    Answer by Dahis at 9:54 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • For the sake of the child....butt in. Sounds like she is crying out for attention. The aunt may get angry at you...but how are you going to feel if something happens to the daughter and you didn't at least try to point it out to her mom? Let your aunt know that you are letting her know...not because you are judging..but because you care about her daughter as much as she does.

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 9:56 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Since she is involved in illegal activities that endanger herself and others I say butt in, gently of course.

    Answer by YzmaRocks at 10:03 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • i wouldnt go into details but i would suggest mom look at daughter FB page and leave it at that......and on a side note someone should mention to the daugter that those things will be there forever and could effect her future....

    Answer by cara124 at 10:11 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • from the sounds of it, it seems that she was more worried that people were spreading this info around.... i would suggest letting her know, but DO NOT go around telling everyone else about it. that's a private matter that should stay that way.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 10:11 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I would personally back off. As a mom, she probably already knows, or will know really fast. Where did the OP say that the CHILD was involved in any illegal activitly?

    Mom already knows that her daughter is making poor choices. At this point, the teen is responsible for her own actions. It's mom's job to talk to her about choices and how they affect the rest of her life. But mom can't control that her daughter will make her own choices. It's not like she can strap her down with a ball and chain and lock her up. She can try therapy, and unconditional love to get underneath the behavior, but it ultimatley has to be the teens choice. From experience when people "butt in" like you don't know what you are doing or not knowing what's going on, can sometimes hurt more than help. So I would probably wait.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:23 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • BTW, a pic of her behind the wheel doesn't mean she's driving. All I'm saying is, if you don't have all the facts for sure, just specualation, be careful what you say. And if she was operating a vehicle on private property, in some places it's not illegal. I'm just saying, you really don't know for sure.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:26 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Her mom has already let you know she doesn't want the family in her business and I would respect that. Besides, with kids you can't believe everything you read on facebook.

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:51 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Since your aunt asked you all to "butt out", I'd not mention any of it to her just yet. Your aunt might be getting annoyed and wanting people to butt out because she's perfectly aware of her DD's issues and just wants to be left alone to work things out with her without having to air her "dirty laundry" to the world? Maybe she doesn't want/need to be dealing with the inevitable advice and/or criticism that families so "lovingly" tend to dish out without considering the other person's feelings?

    Keep tabs on your cousin & stay aware of her activities as much as you can to see if things are improving or if she's just getting sneakier about what she's doing or doing more dangerous stuff. If that happens, yeah, then it's time to talk to your aunt, but in the meantime, maybe just be supportive & let your aunt know that you're there if she needs you w/o offering advice, condemnation or tattling on your cousin.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 10:51 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I would talk to the girl. You are a concerned aunt.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:12 AM on May. 25, 2011

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