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How do you deal with a principal and teachers who are upset with you?!

I am my Asperger's son advocate. I went to his IEP meeting with lots of questions because I wanted to understand exactly what was going on with my child. I called a group called Families Helping Families because I did feel that they were covering his social skills needs. When the school found out the principal was so freaked out because I had sent off for measurable progress to the Special Education Department. After the IEP meeting which had the principal sitting in and a resource teacher that wouldn't listen to my conerns or didn't undertstand what I was asking I called the head of the Special Education to department to ask if I was wrong in seeking more social when the schools on evaluation made it a priority. She said she would have the Austism coordinator come in and speak with the teachers and watch Aidan to help make reccommendations and work on any changes he needed.

I told both the head of Special Education and the Austism Coordinator I just was seeking their help and didn't want this to become a negative with the school. That the all teachers involved with my son had shown extra care with him and his I was extremely happy with the school. Just concerned that maybe they weren't understanding his need for social as well as academic help.

After the IEP meeting and talk with the Austism Coordinatoor my sister-in-law went to the school. The principal went on and on about and said she had had it up to here.(Hands all the way above head) and said,"They had worked really hard with Aidan this year and I just don't know if he'll get that next year."

I am shocked. Do I go above her head or do I try to talk to her although she seems so on the defensive she is not hearing me. I have no confidence in the school right now and what will happen next year. I just wanted to understand and get the fair suppports and services my son needs. I'm not sure what to do! Anyone else been through something like this?!

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Asked by lehmanladner at 10:12 AM on May. 25, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I have had to tell off a few teachers, principals, adminstrators, counselors, etc. when trying to get my son the help he needed. My experiences with our school system was so bad - despite what they say, they are clueless and quite resistant to the suggestions of the true experts on these children (their parents) - that when I look back now, I wish I could turn back the clock and homeschool. Do whatever it is you need to do and to hell with what anyone else says. YOU are your child's advocate. Good luck.

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 10:25 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • What more are you asking for? What have they done so far with social skills that you don't feel it's enough? I think they can only do so much with an IEP. I wouldn't rely solely on any school to completely educate, or socialize my kid. How much socializing can they truly get when they do need to learn?

    Do you have him involved in other activities outside of school?


    Answer by Christine0813 at 10:28 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I'd check out some other programs for socialization like the YMCA/YWCA... There is only so much the teachers have time for..

    Answer by girlglow6 at 10:39 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I get it that social skills are important, but it sounds like this school was already going above and beyond with your child. If you want more, maybe you should go through the avenues of after school programs in your community or youth programs such as Scouts or Boys and Girls club. If I were the principal and thought we had done so much for your child and then you called starting trouble for the school I would be upset too. As for you talking with them, I think you have some relationship mending to do. The school staff probably feel betrayed by your actions.


    Answer by scout_mom at 10:45 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I am asking for the recommendations their own evaluaton said he needed and that social skills is a priority at this age along with reading. I am asking that throughout his day the teachers who do work with him to follow the recommendations of the evaluation to strengthen his social skills. Nothing that was not written in the original evaluation. They have my child most of the year and most of the day. I need and by law have a right for his needs to be met. Many Asperger children make great grades but end up failing out or dropping out or commiting suicide when they reach middle school because they lack the social skills to navigate within the school. Without good social skills he will have a hard time getting a job, making friends, finding love and being a contributing member of society.Intensive Early Intervention is key and fighting with the system has cost him years. He is almost 8.

    Comment by lehmanladner (original poster) at 10:45 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Been there done that with my son son who has Autism. I always went above their heads if I felt they were angry with me and might affect my sons education during the year or the next year. By the time my son was in 8th grade we had someone from the district office attending the meetings along with the principal and teacher. It really did help because with their "boss" there they didnt get as uppity or angry.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:48 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • Schools don't understand the needs of kids with Aspergers. The way budgets are going is making this worse. DD is 14 and has Aspergers. She has no measurable goals with social skills.


    Answer by JSD24 at 10:51 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • We are trying to get him into ABA therapy but are waiting on what the insurance says. We also have him in OT. We only have so much money and the IDEA and No Child Left Behind Act inssures that my son receives an appropriate and fair education. Social skills are part of that. I am not asking for more than he is alllowed by law and what his own evaluation by the school system said. There is only so much money and time. I am already in credit card debt getting the outside help he needs and have had a counsulor and Families Helping Families tell me he is not receiving the social supports he needs. My brother, Dad, and I all have what I believe is undiagnosed Aspergers. Our educations were good until middle school when school is not as structured. Our social skills are lacking to the point that my father worked on his own and barely made above poverty level and my brother ended up commiting suicide.

    Comment by lehmanladner (original poster) at 10:53 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • so basically you just wanted someone to review him in his school setting to be sure that he is receiving the extra help necessary for his condition? Is the teacher and principal mad more because you went over their head rather than discuss it with them before hand so you can all work together? (I know sometimes when you go over peoples heads, the other foundation may believe there are additional issues that need reviewing and you could have put the principal and teacher in an awkward position, especially if they felt they were doing all they could above and beyond to help your son). I'm not saying it deserved the attitude toward you about it, but I can certainly understand a little frustration if that's the case. If not I'm not sure why they are upset, but if it is, I suggest just apologizing because you weren't trying to go over their head, that you just wanted to be sure how your son's needs were being met.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:54 AM on May. 25, 2011

  • I am a secondary special ed teacher, and it sounds like the teachers and administrators involved feel either threatened like they are not doing an adequate job, or attacked as if they are incompetent. I don't mean to say that you did anything wrong or that they SHOULD feel that way, just that their reaction suggests that feeling.

    Honestly, I have had parents come in and flat out ask why we would want to "push" a child when they will "never amount to anything", and that it will just frustrate everyone..."why bother" basically. When I have a parent come in willing to work with the school, advocate for their child, be involved in their education, and make suggestions for their child's benefit, it makes me feel much better about what the children go home to at night. Plus, I know that they are getting the concepts I work on at school reinforced at home. Keep doing what you're doing mama. If they are intimidated, so-be-it.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:59 AM on May. 25, 2011

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