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14 Bumps

You people make me giggle

So there was a question about whether a mother has any right to say anything to dad about his girlfriend spending the night while the child was there. The comments were that mom needed to mind her own business, she was just jealous and so on. I felt that if it was mom having her boyfriend spend the night and dad didn't like it, it would be a whole different story. So I proved it. I posted under anon and said I was a divorced women who had my boyfriend spend the night around my son and my ex didn't like it. Out of 14 posts, 3 or 4 said it was ok (and they were all voted down) and the rest felt like "my ex" had every right to tell me I couldn't have him spend the night. Personally, I feel parents shouldn't have sleepovers with their SO around the children, save that for when the children are at the OP's house. But I thought it was crazy how, for most people, it was OK for the dad but not the mom. Here are the links to the posts:

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/854911/I_recently_got_divorced_and_my_BF_sleeps_over_while_my_son_is_home?cat_id=&order=&next=11

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/854752/What_to_do_when_the_exs_new_girlfriend_stays_overnight_with_our_4_yr_old

Answer Question
 
JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 1:08 PM on May. 25, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (37)
  • Oooh, I love the way your mind works!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • welcome to cafemom...The land of double standards!

    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:11 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Thee are no shortage of double standards in our society. I am not surprised in the least!
    nepenthe429

    Answer by nepenthe429 at 1:11 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I would like to give special mention to "cola" because she is the ONLY one who noticed that people were bashing a women for not wanting her son to spend the night at dad's with the GF and a women who had her BF spend the night around her son. Also to October's mom who stayed consistent in both posts despite getting like 6 vote downs on mine yet 2 vote ups on the other
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 1:12 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Interesting. I caught the second post but didn't see the first. The only thing I can think of is that most people consider strange women less threatening around children than strange men. I agree though, I don't think either parent should have sleep overs around the children.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:12 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I'm going back later to look at both. I think your 'research' idea was great! We'll all be double checking ourselves for the next couple of days. THANKS.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:14 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I didn't see either post. I agree that men are viewed as more threatening, and that's why there's a double standard. Personally, I think neither ex HAS to be informed as to who is spending the night at their ex's house; however, out of courtesy, they should advise the other person. As a divoreced mother, it's not my right to know what goes on in my ex's house, but I am still concerned about my children, and would like to know if there are strangers at the house. I also extend that courtesy to him. I do not think SO's should spend the night either, unless the relationship is serious.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:24 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • ~*Honestly*~... once a set of parents break up, neither has the right to run the other person's home! If you didn't want you ex around other women in front of your child, than you would still be with them. I have never thought my eldest son's father had any more right than I did to dictate each other's lives...

    However, with that being said "I CHOSE" to only bring those around my son I was seriously dating?!?! What others do, I can care less, because it isn't "my kid"
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 1:26 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I did something similar with postings and had my butt ripped to shreds. I still think you proved a great point. Way to go OP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • funny, course ifyou read both my posts I was against it in the moms post and your post. not right either way.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 1:45 PM on May. 25, 2011

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