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2 Bumps

I really don't see how this is my fault....

Dh gets mad at me because our 17 mo old dd doesn't go to him. Often times when he tries to get her she runs away or starts crying. But when he comes home from work he just sits on the couch. He won't get down on the floor and play with her. I keep telling him too, but he says he's tired. The other she was crying and he tried to get her and she literally pushed him away and ran to me. He just acts like it's somehow my fault and he gets sooo mad at me! Does anyone else have this problem? I keep telling him he just needs to spend some quality time with her, but he never does.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on May. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • I agree with you. What can you do? Maybe things will get better. I will pray for you.
    spagirl0426

    Answer by spagirl0426 at 2:23 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • It's not your fault, he does need to spend the time. Good luck mama
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 2:26 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Until he makes that quality time a priority this will keep happening. If he spends time with her without you there the chances of her wanting to go to him will increase. My DH is away for work a lot, and when he comes home DD doesn't want to go to him. She is 2 1/2 and talks about missing him while he is gone but once he's home she holds back. If I leave to go do something it gives the two of them a chance to hang out without Mommy being there to run to. I am sure your DH's feelings of anger and really feelings of hurt, but you are right that it isn't your fault. That connection between the two of them is only something that he can make happen, you can't do it for him. Of course he is tired after work, and it's ok to come home and veg on the couch- for a bit. But then he needs to make some Daddy/Daughter time a priority, the relaxing can continue once your dd goes to bed. They're only little once, you only get one shot. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:27 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Until he makes the sacrifice to spend quality time with her this isn't going to change. It's not your fault that you are being a caring parent and he's being a blob on the couch.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:28 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Men can be stupid sometimes.. I'm sorry - its hard when you have a child and your husband starts acting like one too :( Hugs
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:28 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Been there...twice!! It's not your fault at all. Yeah, he may be tired when he gets home from work, but he still has to make time for your DD. If he's not willing to do that, then he has no right to blame you because she doesn't want to be with him.
    jalvarez626

    Answer by jalvarez626 at 2:41 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • That isn't your fault! It's his problem for not interacting with her more, your DD can't like him if she doesn't know him well enough yet.
    lisalmeyer86

    Answer by lisalmeyer86 at 3:54 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Absolutely normal!
    Also normal for hubby to try to play with her one day, not get the results he wants, get mopey and give up.

    It gets easier as the kids get older
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 4:06 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Baby is normal. Daddy needs to prove to her that he is NOT a Hairy Scary Beast who will EAT her.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:07 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I think that if DH wants DD to 'like' him and go to him HE has to make the effort to interact with her, read to her, play with her, and get to know her. Cause as it stands he is probably a 'stranger' to her and most little ones do show fear of strangers. Where Mommy is with her, and she feels safe with Mommy -so that is why she runs to you. There could be other factors about him that 'scare' her -- maybe he has a smell about him that she does not like, does he talk in a loud or angry voice? (my youngest was scared of my dad cause he has a big loud voice)... I would encourage him to sit down and interact with her, but not to push it, let her come to him. (maybe he could start building with blocks and "ignore"her and eventually she may get curious and go see what he is up to). It might take time, he needs to be calm and be patient. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:09 PM on May. 25, 2011

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