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How can i help my 15 year old sdaughter???? and hubby??????

jasmin is 15 and my stepdaughter......since the moment I met her i fell in love with her. She was a sweet young lady who needed alot of love! Her mom is not in her life too much. Jasmin found love letters that her mom was writing to a guy that was in jail and that her mom was seeing so she showed them to her dad. So in a way i think her mom holds resentment towards her because she busted her. Jasmin started acting up in school so mom called my hubby and asked if he could bring her to our house to see if he could set her straight.

Jasmin was thrilled. Since I met her she would talk about living with her dad. I didnt really know her I mean you dont really get to know someone until you live with them. She moved in and lord have mercy! She is a sweetie but doesnt like to help out around the house, she leaves her clothes laying around, sometimes she leaves her undergarments in the restroom..........sigh....i dont mind having her around i feel that she needs alot of attention. we got a townhome that had 4 bedrooms so i gave her her own room. She cleaned it once or twice........she HATES washing dishes. but if she gets invited to go somewhere she is ready.....

Here is the dilema..........I am strict with my kids and I do not feel that because she needs to be loved and needs extra TLC she should be able to get away with these things. My kids get grounded if they do not clean their room, they get privilages taken away and my hubby "feels bad for her" and he talks to her and she says that she will help out and then she stops. If she was my daughter I would run a much tighter ship with her. I feel like im strict with her but like there are things that she needs to take care of she isnt a baby! She kept complaining of stomach pain so we took her into the ER because she said she had been asking her mom to take her and she hadnt taken her they gave her antibiotics and she hasnt been drininking them she keeps saying she has but this weekend she spent it with my sister I was in the hospital and she left them at home she needs to take them 4 times a day. So things like this if she is in pain why doesnt she take them? ******I have a 10 year old son who is autistic and he gives me the bottle to give him his medicine every night he doesnt forget!! ******she likes to be babied but I feel that my dh is too easy on her...............someone please HELP!! I have talked to him and he says he is going to get strict but he doesnt

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Asked by selaranda at 5:11 PM on May. 25, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 10 (442 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I was ready to say 'sounds like a typical teen' and it does in a lot of ways, but if she's not getting punished for the same things that the other kids, I think that's a bad idea.

    I think that having her live with no consequences is no favor to her.

    be fair, but I would not let her continue to just get away with everything. She may not be your bio child, but she's under your roof and having one set or rules for some of the kids but not the other is a bad idea in my book.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I don't have step kids but I constantly tell my own kids ,,, to clean up they dont like to clean up either I have to becareful with my 15 yr son becuase if he gets mad he leaves out the door and no chores are even done , so we are left doing his chores he claims he leaves to calm down but doesn't come back till 9:30 at night which he left like at 6 idk. but anyway I think you should sit down with her and tell her look I love you very much (but if she mentions your not my mom u cant tell me what to do ) tell her I cant replace your mom in anyway and i'm there if you need me but I do want to have the house clean and I think everyone should help out. go somewhere like her fav place to eat or have icecream so that the atmasphere you are at will help the talk to her.

    Answer by barrerajuls at 5:24 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • My house rule. If your room is not clean, you don't get to hang out with friends PERIOD> talk to your dh about making house rules and DO not give her any special attention or priveledges like her own room unless you give your own kids special priveledges she doesn't get too. I made that mistake and treated my sd better than my own bio kids. Thank God yours is 15, only a few years left!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 5:51 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • You need to let your husband know that your kids can't have separate rules then her. Doesn't matter if she lives with you or not, they need the same rules. He needs to stop being scared that she will get mad at him, if he was still with her mom she wouldn't be getting away with this so why is it ok now? Your kids are going to resent her if this keeps up.

    Answer by tazdvl at 10:05 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Not only is letting her go unpunished going to hurt her by teaching her to be lazy in life but it will also hurt the other kids who will think that she is "more important" or maybe your "favorite" because jasmine doesnt have to follow rules and they do. It is unfair for them because they have more rules, unfair for you who has to clean up after her, and unfair to Jasmine who isnt being taught how to act properly.

    It is understandable if her mom was a bad parent so she doesnt know what to do but you need to make it clear that everyone living with you is held to the same standard. She isnt any better then your other kids!

    Answer by amber710 at 8:48 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • Just stick to your guns

    Answer by sstepph at 9:23 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • That is a hard one. As the step-parent, I don't think you should be her primary disciplinarian; that job is her dad's. That being said, the two of you should get together and form some house rules and each of you should make sure than all kids are treated the same.

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 11:24 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • NO idea but am wishing you strength and the best of luck in dealing with your situation.

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 6:21 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • I'd lay down the rules for all the kids at the same time so noone feels like they are being singled out. Just call a family meeting and tell each of them what is to be expected.

    Answer by daerca574 at 9:29 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • You and him need to have a long talk. What is good for one kid is good for the other. Treat them all the same.

    Answer by aj23 at 8:15 PM on May. 30, 2011

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