Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

My husband and I had never talked about this before.... adult content

But I was curious and asked if his ex wife had ever let him try "back door" sex. He's never touched me there or tried it with me but he once told me when we first started dating that he fantasized about it. So he went into this over descriptive story of how they tried it (and it was very erotic). I now have this terrible pornographic image in my head of them doing this. I had thought that he'd give me a simple yes-no answer because we never go into great detail about our pasts. It made me feel weird about the whole thing. He told me he never wants to actually do it because he thinks it is disgusting and that a fantasy is a fantasy. Yet he did it with her (didn't complete it because it hurt her). I've never done it and I don't know that I'd even like it. But now I feel he's been completely intimate with her. I can't get this out of my head and I don't feel like having sex with him now because of this. I feel jealous that his sex life with her was more wild and adventurous. I'm feeling so weirded out about it. I don't know how to deal with this.

** What I mean by intimate is that he's been more intimate with her as his wife than he is with me as his wife by having done this.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on May. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Reminds me again of the best piece of advice I've ever gotten: Never ask a question unless you're prepared to hear the answer. You can't unring the bell; all you can do is talk to him about your feelings now & keep this from consuming your thoughts & creating insecurities.
    EgoTryptophan

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 7:07 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Well of course he has been completely intimate with her, she was his wife. I think it was rude of him to talk about their sex life with you. He should have said "what I did with her is between me and her and in the past". It was really disrespectful of him to answer and for you to ask. Honestly I know you didn't know about the "back door" thing but what did you think, they had a sexless marriage and he never touched her?
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:19 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • That's not that bad- seriously! I was foolish enough to ask about a threesome and got waaay more info than I could have imagined. I had those bothersome images in my head for a while, but then I had to get over it. Its in his PAST!! You asked, and he answered. Don't sweat it, the fact he doesn't try it with you shows he doesn't care that much about it. Its easier said than done, but I'd do my best to get over it and realize it is what it is.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 7:20 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • my friend.....IM sorry but the boo boo shoot is not INTIMATE that just nasty, not to mention FUNKY...yuck
    y did your ask a ? and then he was honest and now you can't handle it. I think you are really being unfair to your hubby and a little silly acting. I dont mean to offend you or insult you but come on.
    just because he tried this with her makes u feel this way, sounds like something else a nother deeper issue. You should be GREATful he do not want to do that and thinks it disgusting. You are his wife and things like that men do with hoe's if you know what i mean NO OFFENCE to those to do this but YUCK....by the way do you guys know the germs that live in the boo boo shoot? E COLI and that e. coli have taken many to their graves if you only knew
    yuck to the 10th power
    Esam

    Answer by Esam at 8:08 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I understand. I asked my man and found out that he had a threesome with his first wife and when he got divorced, proceeded to have a sexual thing with the "other" girl! I was kinda jealous, kinda disgusted but u know what? He's all mine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • It is in his past! You asked a question and should be grateful that he answered you honestly.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 10:44 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Have you told him you feel this way? You guys should talk.
    calebmama

    Answer by calebmama at 2:57 AM on May. 30, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN