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My daughter likes a boy who dropped out of school and who I think is not very respectful.

When she was 17 years old this boy's mother asked if she could sleep over. I said "absolutely not"! Another time I called my daughter before 7 because I had to go to a meeting and told her I would pick her up from this boys house. Well when I left for my meeting this boys mother came and took her back over to his house. She cries when she can't see him and stays up all night talking to him on the phone. I told her father that he should step in and help me and he just says "she is 18 she can do what she wants"! I don't like the attitudes of every one around me, yet it seems all I am doing is making myself crazy trying to stop them. My daughter has her own car now and she stays there over night. Any suggestions or help from anyone!!!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on May. 25, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Oh Mama, I'm so sorry, but there is NOTHING you can do. I know because I'm right there with you.I can not stand my DD boyfriend, he quit HS, he can't hold on to a job, he's LOUD and disrespectful and she LOVES him!! Where did I go wrong? She finished HS, has a great work ethic, she's in college to be a nurse. AND, OMG she's beautiful! ALL i can do is BE THERE when she needs me, it's 4yrs now, I never thought it would last this long! But for YOU, I would tell HIS MOTHER to stay out of your family business and not to pick her back up when YOU want her home at 7. I do hope we get some peace throughout all this insanity.Thanks for reminding me that I;m not alone
    jblueeyes228

    Answer by jblueeyes228 at 11:23 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • This is a tough situation. The more you try and stop it the more she will rebel. I hate to say this you might have to let it play out until she see what a jerk he is, unfortunately she might get hurt in the process, but if you forbid her to see him, take her phone away and car, she will find away. Being in a situation myself, she is young and I am sure he is just one of many bofriends to come, and he will not be around long, just pray!!!
    kysmom091

    Answer by kysmom091 at 11:09 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • When I was that age I was dating a dropout who had a mom like that. The more my mom tried to get us to break up the more I resented her. Long story short, I finally broke up with him, married another loser, got divorced and now marrying the right guy.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:16 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I really wish i had the Magic Answer for you but, i don't think there is one- as bad as you hate to hear it, there is not alot you can do- you are going to have to step back & let her figure things out on her own; no matter what the outcome is- b/c if you keep on like this you will just make her more determined to be with him- & she will also not feel like she can come to you with her problems- if he is not good for her, she will see the light- it might just take longer than you want it to.. Wishing you lots of luck!

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 11:19 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Is she still in high school? If so, I would put my foot down hard. If not, I'm afraid she is grown up enough to make a bad choice on her own and there is little you can really do to stop it.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:23 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I wouldn't put too much emphasis on the negative of the relationship no matter how you feel unless he is hurting her. It will only make her want to be with him more and it will destroy your relationship with her. On the other hand, make it clear to her that even though she is 18 she is still living under your roof and you expect her to respect the rules you have in your home. If she is unable to do this give her 30 days to move out. Tough love.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 11:35 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Thanks for the answer. That is what I am alowing to happen now. I was keeping myself up at night. Now I am just going to bed. I will be here if she needs me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:17 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • She may be 18 but she can't do whatever she wants as long as she is living in your house! Staying overnight? Unacceptable. I agree that your husband really needs to step up. Is this her first boyfriend? Because crying when she can't see him is very extreme, like the previous poster said you might have to let this whole thing play itself and let her open her eyes on her own.
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 11:18 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Tomorrow is her last day of school. I have tried to put my foot down hard!!! When I do it makes it worse - she stays up crying or tryi's to run away from home, or goes speeding off in her car and scares the crap out of me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:38 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • To Jblue eyes - I'm glad I'm not alone on this one. How is your daughter doing in nursing school. I just hope this kid doesn't affect her life and future too much.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:45 PM on May. 25, 2011

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