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# Custody/Visitation Question

Ok so I live across the country from my ex. I have custody and he gets visitation for:

Spring Break, 6 weeks in Summer (we decide by April 1 if it's the first or last 6 weeks), 5 days for Thanksgiving, and 1 week during Winter break. The order states that we split TRAVEL EXPENSES

The judge determined this last Sept. This is the last time my daughter has seen her father. He declined his Thanksgiving visit because he didnt have his half of the money. She didnt get to go for winter break because of the bad weather, he flight didnt leave. He declined Spring Break for the same reason he is now delining Summer and I wanna know if you ladies agree with this:

She flies from Portland (6-7 hour drive for me) to New York (6-7 hour drive for him) normally and since we both were driving the same distance, we just split the flight cost. Wel now I found a way for her to fly from Portland to Baltimore, which is only 2 hours from him. I calculated gas costs for each of us. 350 for me, 150 for him. So I determined his half of cost like this: Plane ticket + my gas + his gas=total cost divided in half subtrated by his gas cost since that would be out his pocket. Because if we are splitting the 'travel expenses' than means everything that gets her from my house to his, including driving to the airport. He thinks that he should pay half the plane ticket and that's it. He says he would rather drive to New York twice than pay for half my gas. Oh and my grandmother would pick her up from airport so that would save him there, time and money. AND doing it the way I am suggesting costs us each 250 LESS. So, he would rather spend more money and more time just to be difficult. Am I wrong in just saying she won't come if he won't take the cheaper option?

Asked by huntin_mama at 1:15 AM on May. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,212 Credits)
• I disagree with kidnapped for this reason : If you let him get away with it once, he will get away with it again, and its not fair to pile the extra expense on you. My suggestion is, you should go back to court and explain the problem. A mediator should be able to help you both understand what is best. And there really are some great small airports closer to small towns, but they usually require transfers, and I would not want my kid to have to transfer to another flight. However, I would also never put them on a plane out of my sight by themselves, either, so the whole plan wouldn't work for me. He should pay you half the total cost of what it costs to get her from you to him. That is half the travel costs, not half of HIS travel costs, and maybe you need to get THAT in writing too. Has he always been trying to shirk his duty like this? If so, kudos on the divorce. It's better for your DD to not have a slob in her life.

Answer by alphamom26 at 8:19 AM on May. 26, 2011

• i think you are very right if he can't split his half right then he dosen't need to see her right ?

Answer by alliep2011 at 1:33 AM on May. 26, 2011

• Why are you both driving 6-7 hours away to send her on a plane? Why not just fly her out of the airport nearest your house and fly her to the airport nearest his, and vice versa for the return ticket. Yeah, it's about \$100 for an unaccompanied minor fee, but it seems like a LOT to drive that far just to put her on a plane...Why even bother driving 6-7 hours just to put her on a plane? The tickets may cost slightly more than the ones you buy now, but overall the price should be cheaper.

Answer by laird6372 at 2:01 AM on May. 26, 2011

• my stepson lives in florida with his mom my husband has visitation every hoilday/summer etc, (we are in vegas) it was court ordered that my husbands exwife pays all flights to and from because she was the one who was relocating so it was her responsibity to cover everything.
my stepson son flys solo with south west to this day we have not had any problems and its never been no more than \$50 extra for a solo child.
to me it sounds very silly to drive many hours when u could just get a flight which would save time and money, for u it was ordered that travell be spilt, if he does not or is unwilling to follow this agreement you have all right to take him back to court and denie him his visitation visits.
my husband always tell his exwife work with the cheapier flight, and he has been helping her with the costs he'll pay extra on his child support its money for the child, so i dont think you are wrong.

Answer by gem05 at 3:14 AM on May. 26, 2011

• why does he never want to see his child?? i would take his ass back to court then and say he's not living up to his end of the bargain!

Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 8:29 AM on May. 26, 2011

• Don't hate me, but I think he rarely sees her. You make almost all of the decisions in her life. Let him call the shots on this one. Let him pick the itinerary, you pay half, and tell your daughter to soak up the experience. This is about her after all.

Answer by kidnappedbylove at 1:26 AM on May. 26, 2011

• Those are the closest airports that she can get a direct flight. They will not allow her to change planes. If I could afford to pay the whole trip I would but I'm working for minimum wage supporting 2 children.

Comment by huntin_mama (original poster) at 5:08 PM on May. 26, 2011

• My main concern if if our court order says 'half of travel expenses' if I am interpretting it correctly in saying that that means ALL costs associated with getting her from my house to his. Which means if he only has to drive 2 hours and costs him 150 in gas for 2 trips to airport (one to pick her up, one to drop her off) but I'm driving 6-7 hours and paying \$350 in gas for 2 trips, he should pitch in to make the cost even for us both.

Comment by huntin_mama (original poster) at 5:12 PM on May. 26, 2011