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How to deal with my boyfriend helping me discipling my kids

so i love my boyfriend to death but it seems like he wants to get onto the kids for every little thing and its fustrating because i want the kids to love him and know that hes here for them and not to just get onto them.i know thats not what hes trying to do but im not sure how to talk to him about it because hes only 20 and hes never had kids before and i dont want to seem like i dont appreciate what hes trying to do because i know hes only trying to help to get them to listen better but its hard from being a single mom of 2 kids and them have someone come in and do this.

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bahnitta89

Asked by bahnitta89 at 1:47 AM on May. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • IMO boyfriends can discipline kids when they become husbands or strong parental figures, dont just let some man/boy tell your kids what to do, that's your job.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:51 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • I raised four kids on my own and still raising one. It is not easy! How long has he been your BF? IF you have a committed relationship with him then you need to do what all parents do.... married or not....talk about the discipline without the kids in the room. Once your kids see/feel they don't have to listen to him...they won't.

    PsychicSherry

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 1:53 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • well we have been together for a while and hes the one i want to be with and the same for him but i just dont want the kids to start not liking him because of him doing it.i know that my daughter dont listen as good as my son but shes only 2 and hes 5 so there is a difference
    bahnitta89

    Comment by bahnitta89 (original poster) at 1:55 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • Sorry, it's my opinion that he should leave it up to you. I've never let other men butt in on my responsibility with my children. I certainly wouldn't let a man who isn't experienced with children to weigh in on discipline. I'd just tell him it's my responsibility to take care of my children and their behavior. He can tell you if he has a problem then you can deal with it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:55 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • IMO I think it is up to the parents to discipline the kids.... not boyfriends, especially if he has no experience with kids. My ex-bil was like that - when we would be at sis/ex-bil house, or my mom's house my ex-bil would almost be watching the kids and waiting for them to misbehave so he could pounce and yell at them. Needless to say that did NOT go over very well and it is one of the many reasons why sis dumped his sorry ass.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:03 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • yea well my kids father dont even see them so i cant have him do anything for the kids.my boyfriend is the best thing that could have happened to me and my kids and hes great with them.he helps me with anything i need he plays with them all the time.i just wish he wouldnt be so uptight i guess.he helps pay for stuff that the kids need when their father never has.hes everything to them that their dad never was he just needs to relax more and understand that their kids and that they arent perfect on not making messes plus the one he gets onto the most is my 2yr old daughter cuz she dont listen all the time cuz shes very stuburn n hard headed
    bahnitta89

    Comment by bahnitta89 (original poster) at 2:10 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • honey just sit him down and the two of made some rules for the kids and stick to them cause if they see that you don't approve of him getting them on order they will use that to make trouble.they are young but they are so smart nowadays.if he is really a keeper this should work
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 2:53 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • thank you
    bahnitta89

    Comment by bahnitta89 (original poster) at 3:33 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • Yes I too, would have a problem w/him disciplining my kids. I would tell him so. It's great that he does things w/them, but he should leave the parenting & disciplining to you. At least until that status changes.
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 9:34 AM on May. 26, 2011

  • I am a step mom to 3 children I adore. I have no children of my own. So, from your boyfriends perspective...
    It's tough to jump into a ready made family. He has had little to no preparation for this. Maybe you should get him some parenting books? It's important in this situation for you to back up the step parent, because kids often blame the SP for the break up and or will displace thier resentments on the third party. At the same time, you should be the one enforcing the punishment. I put his kids in timeout or send the older to his room for little things, but all serious punishment/ discipline is done by thier father my DF. I don't know how many times I've said 'wait till your father gets home!' this only works because dad does back me up when he gets home!
    Another problem you've mentioned... The constant reprimands. I'm no saint, I get frustrated with the little ones sometimes. My patience wears thin and they ...
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 9:55 AM on May. 26, 2011

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