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2 Bumps

Was my dh in the wrong, or should I be more understanding?

Okay so my dh was out of work for about 13 months because the dealership he worked at closed down due to the economy. The Chevy company in our state closed down several dealerships and unfortunately, his was one of them. Anyway, I babysit two little boys 2-3 days a week and stay home with our kids, and I ended up picking up a little part time job on top of it that brought in an extra $500 a month. I ended up paying for a lot of the bills for a while, because my dh's unemployment wasn't enough to cover as much like before. He finally got a good job 3 weeks ago, and is getting his first paycheck tomorrow. I went online yesterday and paid a couple bills. I told him about it when he got home and he FLIPPED out on me, got all mad, yelled at me and then went upstairs and slammed our door shut. He was being a complete jerk to me for a while and then finally apologized and said that he just feels like crap that he hadn't worked in so long and that he feels bad that he wasn't able to provide for us, so he was really upset when I went and paid a couple bills when I knew he was getting paid. He said I made him feel worthless and bad. He was still a jerk to me though. Should I try to be more understanding of how he's feeling, or was he completely in the wrong?

*In reference to a few of the questions..he doesn't want me paying any of the bills unless we're extra tight on money and he really needs the help, otherwise he wants the money I make to go into savings or to do things with the kids. He yelled at me and told me "DON'T EVER PAY ANOTHER BILL AGAIN!" He was overboard with that one lol.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • You need to let this go. His feelings are ver valid in this instance.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 2:13 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • just tell him to give you the money back when he gets paid. Problem solved, lol. :O)
    and yes, its a man thing for them to want to provide for thier families.

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 2:14 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • We are all wrong sometimes. He apologized and explained why he was so upset. that is what matters. You are married and are working are a team now. There is no money that is his or yours it is both of yours. Maybe just explain that to him....

    Answer by Brandi300 at 2:15 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • So he was mad because you paid bills that were due? I think he's over reacting with this, he should be grateful that you were able to help keep your family afloat.

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:15 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • He overreacted, but he apologized. I'd let it go.

    Answer by Xynyth at 2:18 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Let it go. He apologized AND offered an explanation of his feelings.
    Maybe from now on the two of you can decide which bills get paid with whose money together

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 2:20 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Overreaction? Maybe a little bit but he is feeling like a failure. I don't think in any way he was completely in the wrong, it sounds like you need to take into consideration his feeling and where he is coming from. He sounds like a good guy and he just wants to take care of you.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:23 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • LET IT GO! what a man. most men these days would jump at the opportunity for their wife to pay the bills. he wasnt a jerk, my husband reacts the exact same way. we got in a huge fight once cuz cash was very tight, and i sold a gold piece of jewelry. yeah that was bad.

    Answer by fefe87 at 2:35 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • His feelings are valid, and very typical for a man, but his reaction was unjustified. He could have explained his feelings to you instead of blowing up. He has apologized, though, and we all fly off the handle sometimes. But the two of you are a team, for richer or poorer, and there to support one another. As someone else said, it shouldn't be viewed as your money and his money, it is all both of your money. Maybe he needs to be reminded of that.

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:37 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I'm always a little concerned when someone is told to "let it go" when a spouse loses it and yells at their partner. Especially over something like their own insecurity. It's okay to feel insecure sometimes, and I can see where a guy would feel like crap over not being able to provide for his family, but that doesn't give him the right to freak out over you paying some bills. That is where the partnership comes in. You were able to provide by yourself until he was working and contributing again. If this were my situation we'd be having a talk about how to express feelings without resorting to yelling and ordering me around.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:37 PM on May. 26, 2011

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