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My SO slipped up and told me his friends say negative things about me.....

I dont want to go int oany detail, 1.I only know general stuff said 2. I'm just too annoyed to revist that thought.
Anywho, he got too comfy in our convo I guess.

Here's the thing, if any of my family or friends say something negative about my SO, and he has had some pretty f!@#ed up moments, 1. going to jail for assault 2. Disappearing for a week at a time for multiple occassions 3. Coming home high and drunk. THose are all things of the past, but there were things for people to say, and I would know friends and fam, were like "what a winner" sarcastically, or they had just dissappointment written all over their faces, but I would never engage in a negative convo about him. I wouldn't let anyone talk shitty about him to me, THose would be fighting words.

But here's what happened. So He would be very flakey with me when it came to watching our son. I was approaching finals week, some of my grades were iffy because he already flaked numerous times before. I think I had like 15absences in my calculus class, and Im so lucky my teacher had a son my sons age, because he felt my pain about the man situation. Anyway. So I had to be in class. He flaked way too many times, and I missed a bunch of class and was late to work many times because I would have to have my HIgh school sister watch my son and she would get out of school after my shift started already. Anyway

So I got fed up and just started showing up at his friends house at random times, he would be there everytime. So I would leave my son with him and just leave, no car seat, just a diaper bag so that I could go to school. SO say I had class at 10, I would show up at 9, an hour before expected just to make him watch our son. This is why they are talking crap.

So I gave him an ultimatum, he needs to find new friends or I am done.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I love that you don't let these people get you down and I think you are on the right track and you SO is still stuck in his childhood. I think you have to do what is best for you and your child and if he chooses to stay in his childhood, leave him there to play with his little buddies......I am sure they will be real nice for him to cuddle with at night while you are enjoying your life and reaping the rewards of your degree and spending time with his son. He needed the ultamatum and if he does nothing, you have your answer and he is not worth it. Good luck!
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 4:00 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Sounds like your So needs to grow up. Clearly he is not dependable which is why you have to take your kid to him to be cared for so you can go to class. Obviously his friends are only hearing his side of the story and not understanding the whole picture or his part in why you can't trust him to live up to his responsibilities. I don't think your problem is with the friends he has, I think it is with your SO. If he manned up, when his friends talked crap about you bringing the baby over he would admit that you have to do that because he doesn't show up when he is supposed to be there to care for his child. My ultimatum would be that he start acting like a father- if he did that he wouldn't have as much time for the jack ass friends in the first place.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:43 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Do these people even have kids? It's SOOO easy for people, especially men, to think the woman is some controlling stalking maniac when the fathers don't do their share. My question to SO would be "And what do you say when they say these things about me?" or "What do you think of these comments?". Something to that effect. It's worth a shot anyway. Good luck!
    DJsMommy610

    Answer by DJsMommy610 at 2:36 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • He is an ass and you should find better.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 2:37 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I don;t agree with giving an ultimatum...that will prob. back fire on you...his friends are allowed their opinions as your friends and family...just let him know how it hurt you and that he at the very least needs to not tell you these things....but from what you have said he doesnt sound like much use..but that's on you and your choice...GL
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 2:39 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • My ex used to do this claim his friends did not like me and were talking shit about me and I would get all mad he would laugh at me with them. Either he is really talking crap about you to them or like mine just using this to hurt you either way ignore it, its not worth your energy.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:42 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • The way I see it is no one needs to be judging my parenting, I BUST MY ASS for a better future for my son. And the last person I expet to even think that type of dialogue would be okay is my SO. The ONE TIME my mom said something out of line about him, I told her I need her to just support me minus down talking him, because it just creates anamocity between them. And she never says anything about him, she just supports my decisions now and offers advice.

    and no, none have kids. And to be honest I only feel like my son is missing out if his dad isn't here, I am done with finals, I have a sitter for the summer, my sister if I need, and I have 2 online classes instead this summer. He can be on his way if I am to be disrespected like that, hence, the ultimatum is the best way for me to deal with this, I have no time to deal with bull shit, I suck up a lot, but this is just gross to me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:44 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I've been through this to some extent. My DH likes to hang out and was and is the life of the party so to speak. He dosen't get high but he does drink and his buddies know if they don't want to go home to their wives and whatever problems they have, buy a 30 pack and my DH will flake on me and our kids and drink till whenever. This has nearly ended us more than once. I stay because I don't want to think what would happen with him getting joint custody and me not here to monitor. Sorry for rambling, it's just your situation is familiar. I've had to hear that so and so didn't think we should get married, or so and so thinks I'm too stern. God forbid me and our kids come beofe some loser ass drinking buddy. What I said, because there is no chance in hell I'm leaving my kids with him when he is with them and drinking, is that he can get a handle on it or live with those idiots while I clean out our house. cont.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • cont. Friends don't need to be giving input, especially in cases of drunks and drug addicts. Everyone might be entitled to their opinion but you keep it to yourself when it involves something serious like helping your buddy screw up his family. I agree that ulitmatums don't usually work but in cases like this, they can be necessary. When I told my DH what I did, I didn't have to hear any more about how his drinking buddies don't like his wife. Judges don't care to hear that kind of thing either. They really don't like to hear someone is boozing and doping instead of taking care of things at home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • And yes My real problem is with him, but a whle ago, before we even had our son, his BF told him he should break up with me because I take their time away from him, lol He also called me a bitch for doing that, and on and on. Over a text to him, I read it, let him know I wasn't okay with it, and him not even defending our relationship, so he took it upon himself to move out of the apartment they shared and they didn't talk until my son was about 1, 2yrs later.

    Now he's back, and another friend is back and they just feed the negativity. AND HE ALLOWS IT< which is also why if he chooses to keep them as friends I am at peace with letting him go. I'm a PRIZE, I am almost done with a great degree that is up 20% in the job markets and should be for at least the next 4 years before it lowers, and I do anything for my family, and I am loyal. Something he needs to be more of, loyal. ugghhh ladies your advice is welcome.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:50 PM on May. 26, 2011

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