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How can i make myself let him go..

Ive been with my BF for a year now. We have a love hate relationship. I dont want to be with him any more. i gave him a year of my life and i feel like it was a waste. when we do fight its horrible arguements. i have kicked him out and took my key back more then once. i love him to death but he cant give me what i want out of a relationship. i keep letting him come back as much as i know i shouldnt i give in.. ive never falling for a man until him, i wasnt even in love with my kids father like i am with him. i dont understand it no matter how much i try to figure it out i cant! i want a man in my life that can give me his all and he cant. The times i have kicked him out i felt horrible and so alone. i dont have anyone but him and my kids. i dont know what to do. i dont want to be alone but i dont want to be with him. i dont no what to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Its better to be alone and unhappy than with someone that won't change and unhappy. If you're alone, you can change the unhappiness into happiness; if you're stuck in a relationship with this douchebag, you won't ever be happy.
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 3:30 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • You need to learn to stand on your own two feet for a while. No man needed. Once you do that you will find happiness with a man. Who knows it could end up being your current BF.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 3:31 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Before I go further.. May I ask a question.

    What is it that he can't give you that you are in need/want of ?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:34 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I agree with other posters, you need to be without a man for a bit, your fear may end up making your stronger than you know. You could try just being friends with him so you don't lose him completely. Just tell him that you don't work as a couple, he should see that as well. Just no booty calls.....otherwise you make no progress!!!
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 3:35 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • i want us to raise a family together. im not asking any more kids bc theres 5 all together and he knows that bc i have told him. he wont even move in with me. y would u be with someoen for a year and never even think about moving in with them? I take care of his kids all the time. and i feel like i have to force him to take care of my kids. A year isnt a long time to be with someone but we have already been through a lot.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:38 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • im in love with him and i know it.. and thats part of my problem. im scared if i do leave him hes not going to see what he had and hes never going to come back to me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:40 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • He will never be what you want. Take back your key, get the locks changed, and don't let him back in. You aren't doing yourself or your children any favors by continuing in such a destructive and violent relationship. You all deserve more from life than what you will ever get from him.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:41 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • For some people, no a year isn't long enough to move in with someone and raise a family together. Especially if they are "gun shy" due to bad relationship experiences in the past. Also, living together and raising a family together adds a whole new level of responsibility to a relationship that he may just not be up for or ready for. He just maybe a person that has had bad experiences and just does not want to or is not ready to, do the whole living together/raising a family together type of relationship/life.

    As far as you taking care of his children and him not taking care of yours (unless you force it). Do you volunteer to do so? If so, stop volunteering to take care of his children, especially if you feel it should be a quid pro quo situation. There's nothing wrong with taking care of his children because you want to however if you want/expect the same in return maybe you should consider stopping.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:44 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • he will just bring them over and then leave like its nothing. i have told him i dont want to watch them by myself bc its hard.. he doesnt care. he has watched my kids a lot but he rather run the streets with his friends then watch my kids for an hour. im so tired of cryin over this and tired of giving in but its hard not to more so when im so alone and have no one else
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:48 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • As to your next response about leaving and him moving on.

    Never stay with someone out of fear, especially the fear that they will find someone else and move on without you. If someone loves you and wants to be with you, nothing will stop them from doing so. Leaving someone just to try and make them realize "what they had" backfires just as often as it works. Some people do have that realization (if they truly feel they had someone special to them) some do not. It's a test that there is no guarantee for. However, being up front and honest with him about what you are unhappy with, what you want for the future..etc.. Is the better way to go. You may not like the answers/response you may receive. However, you will have a better idea of where you stand with this man, what you future may/may not be and you will have a clearer idea of what you should do (stay or move on).
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:48 PM on May. 26, 2011

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