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2 Bumps

How would you handle it?

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was really scared because it was a HUGE surprise, but my SO told me that it was ok, he loved me and everything would be ok...then slowly he would start making really mean comments, like 'I'm sick of people telling me congrats, what is there to be happy about, goodbye freedom, goodbye retirement' type of things. He went to all of my appointments with me, but we never really spoke about the baby. When I try to bring up names, he would ignore me or immediately say he hated the name. I thought he was coming around because he'll talk to the baby and feel when he's moving, but we had to go baby shopping and he stood there and played a game on his phone the whole time instead of helping me pick things out, it really hurt my feelings, I'm due in a few weeks and I feel like he doesn't want the baby, I feel like I'm the only one happy about our son, I guess I don't know what I'm asking, maybe just some encouraging words?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Ouch. That would hurt me too. Maybe it will be better once he sees his baby. My husband is excited but he shows it in a different way. Maybe your hubby might just show it in a different way.
    Augusta

    Answer by Augusta at 4:07 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • he probaly happy but no sure how to ahow it since the baby aint here mines was happy to but slacked off during the end stop going to alot of appointments even after the baby was borm it took him a few weeks to jump in now he helps all the time
    kai302

    Answer by kai302 at 4:07 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • hugs ~*IDK*~

    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 4:08 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • It sounds like he's happy about it and then the thought of reality creeps up and it scares him a little. He's probably going back and forth in his mind all the pros and cons of having a baby. Whats more important than now..is how he acts when the baby is actually born and he gets to hold him in his arms...all those worries and concerns may wash away for him. Maybe bring up a conversation with him about your own fears..in a humorous way and maybe he will open up and talk with you about his own.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:09 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • This is completely normal for a dad. They don't feel connected since it's something that they cannot physically see, hear or touch.

    Some men even have problems after the baby comes with being involved with it. My DD's dad, it took him until she was almost 2 before he actually did much with her. Once she could interact, he really started getting involved.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:10 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Thanks ladies, my hormones were getting the best of me, but I think you are all probably right, and I'm feeling better now, lol. I didn't think of it like that because we get to feel all the movements and everything, I guess it's real for us before them.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:12 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I like the idea of trying to open a conversation up by mentioning your fears. Although don't be surprised if he just tries to fix your fears because men are fixers. I have heard it said that a woman becomes a mother when she learns she is pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he sees the baby for the first time. So things are probably more real for you right now than they are for him. Have you taken a baby class or anything like that, maybe doing something like that together would help. I think the real determining factor will be how he acts once the baby is really here. It might also help to let him know that you have your own fears and that it makes you feel so much better when he is there with you and helping you. But give him some time to himself before the baby comes, too, to do his own thing because once the baby is here that time will be hard to come by. Good luck, hon.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:17 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • you should mention some good things when he mentions the bad things, maybe he needs a reality check. when he says "goodbye retirement." say "and hello tax money!"

    if he says "goodbye freedom." say "nobody's keeping you here but the baby will be a daddy's little girl/boy, he/she will miss you"

    He's just seeing all the negative but i bet he will start seeing positive when the baby is born. People dont realize they are parents and how much it means to them until they hear the words 'mommy" and "daddy"
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 4:18 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • There might be a change of attitude after the baby arrives ~
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 5:07 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • pray about it and i hope he come round
    benitaapplebomb

    Answer by benitaapplebomb at 6:51 PM on May. 26, 2011

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