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Can you go back after cheating?

While I was pregnant my boyfriend had an affair. I found out from someone else and he lied about it, a lot. We are not together any more. I miss him everyday and want us to be a family with our daughter. He talks to me about fixing things and getting back together. I dont know what to do though. My heart says fix things, my brain says I cant trust him. What do you think?

 
Gracie_Kayy

Asked by Gracie_Kayy at 4:31 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • When you miss someone usually it's not them you miss it's being part of a couple, companionship or the man you thought he was. Often times we trick ourselves in believing people will change and blame ourselves. I'm not judging or telling you anythng. I went through this and it didn't work for me I took him back and he didn't change. I missed the guy I thought he could be and he said all the right things. They were lies. I would find a man that can be true to you. I did! Good luck.
    chgomom

    Answer by chgomom at 4:37 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • you can try, but there will always be a lack of trust on your part & that could harm the relationship.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:33 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • My thoughts based on my experience dealing with infidelity.

    You and only you can decide if you want to give a 2nd chance.

    I personally feel that a 2nd chance must be earned. If a cheater wants a 2nd chance then they must do everything they can to prove/show that they not only want one and deserve one. The cheater must come clean and be honest not only with the person they wronged but also with themselves as to why they cheated and work out those issues/reasons. Any issues/problems that existed in the old relationship must be addressed and rectified before the couple starts to rebuild a new relationship.

    There is no going back to what you had. Cheating destroys trust. Trust is a base foundation of a relationship. The old relationship is "dead" (for lack of a better term) a new and better relationship must be built together . That's the only way to "get back together" and it truly work out for the better after infidelity.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:38 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • You can go back, but only if you can fully forgive him. Trust is not something you can automatically get it is something that he has to rebuild with you. If he is willing to do that an you are willing to forgive him it is very possible. It is hard. People say once a chaeter always a cheater, but that's not always true. Everyone makes mistakes, some bigger than others. Like I said the key is forgivness and rebuilding trust. Listen to your heart.
    MommyMJean

    Answer by MommyMJean at 4:38 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • You have a child together, please try again.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 5:04 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • It depends on his history. Has he cheated in past relationships? What were the circumstances of the affair? What was going on in your relationship while this affair was going on?
    If you can get all the answers, put them together and decide he won't do this to you again, give it a try. If not, if you think he will again given the opportunity or he isn't honest or open about the circumstances you will always have to wonder.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 4:47 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Not easily.
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 4:51 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • It wont be easy. You will always have that in the back of your mind, but Im all for working things out if they can be. If he really wants to try again, and you believe him and in your heart you want to also, then go for it. But you will never know if it could have worked, if you dont try.
    thatgrlkels

    Answer by thatgrlkels at 5:01 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Ive been through this too. You can try, but as hard as you may try there will always be that thought in the back of your head, what if it happens again. Im so bad, that today I took my husband lunch at work, and the book keeper who is the same age as us, had baught him lunch and they had lunch together. I got so mad and in my head I just wondered wth was going on. Just little things keep you wondering. Im always wondering who he is texting on his phone..... Oh its bad. And this happened over 3 years ago :(
    jmgblair10

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 5:09 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Well it's all up to you .he will cheat again and there's no doubt about that.I know he said he wants to fix things but there's always that thought that you can't trust him.I think you should think about yourself and your baby what's best for you guys .I know you miss him but then again he cheated and of he loves you and respect you he wouldn't have an affair for the first place.
    Donnabell_nyc

    Answer by Donnabell_nyc at 5:28 PM on May. 26, 2011

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