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2 Bumps

Soon to be 15 year old son wants to live with his father.

My son - almost 15 - told me on Thursday he wanted to live with his dad. I told him he had to wait until school was over - 5 weeks left - he and has dad refused this request. His dad took him  for the weekend, and did not being him back. He enrolled him illegally in school - 3 hours away - and just left! My kids have all been raised to finish what you start, and this goes against everything he has been taught. We have been divorced 13 years, I have provided all the care in those years, My current husband has paid all his medical bills, allowing me to be a stay at home mom. All the while, his father paid less than half court ordered support. He has tried to be a "disney" dad. Son now calls very seldom, was very close to his little brother, but seems uncomfortable  coming home or to even call. What advice is there - how do you treat this boy??I hate to nag him , but at the same time, hate to cut him out of all our family plans. I want him to know I care and want him home, I have told him this ALOT. But, he really acts like he wants nothing to do with any of us. W e have provided him with a good, Christian home, however I have chores and rules, and he did not respond well to that. He was also a very popular kid, that just walked away from his friends also. Everyone says " he will be back"...but not sure I believe this. How do you go from being a very involved parent, to having no idea what your child is doing? His older sister, has been heart broken by this, and refuses to have any contact with my ex now. So now, he has one child but totally lost another one. More things to deal with...

 

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • I would say something is going on. I would get in touch with a lawyer and get custody worked out ASAP.
    Shaken1976

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 4:40 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • umm i can tell you i did the same thing to my mom, when i was 17 i stayed the summer with my dad and my dad let my boyrfriend move in and i never went back to my mom. my dad let me get away with everything i wanted as long as i didnt tell on him or tell what i was doing (i wasnt a bad kids, but tell me what teenager doesnt thing that would be the most awesomething ever to have her bf live with her, needless to say 4 months later my dad came into a rude awakening i was PREGNANT) im 23 now, also raising my son in a Christina houshold. you cannot let him run away from whatever it is he is running away from ... or running too. like you said your ex Illeagaly did that so i would take him to court and make him do the RIGHT thing... your son may not understand why you are doing that but when he is older he will appriciate it, beleive me.
    Kambrosino07

    Answer by Kambrosino07 at 4:44 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I have a lawyer. Working on that now. Judge in this area will allow a child to pick the parent - as long as they are over 12 - and parent is not a drug dealer or felom. I have sole custody, he took him knowing he had no right to do so. When he hit me with a custody change, I hit him with back child support. But, I do not get the feeling that son knows anything about the legal dealings?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:45 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I don't know what to do but I'll give you a bump and say a little prayer that this works out for the best. I can see him wanting to be with his Dad but why does that have to mean cutting you out completely? There has to be some middle ground. Hugs to you Mama.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:46 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • your son is a teenager and most teenagers think they know everything. The best thing you can do for your son is allow him to live with his father. Your son may feel that your trying to keep him away from his dad. If you make him stay home with you, I am sure your son will just act out. I am just saying this out of personal experience. When I was 15 I wanted to live with my dad, my mom would say your dad is a bachelorhe does not know how to raise a child. SO I acted out until she sent me from Hawaii to Los Angeles to live with my dad. My mom did tell me as an adult that the only reason she sent me to live with my dad was she felt that I would want to come home to her and my three siblings.  I was very happy living with my dad followed all his rules.  If my mom forced me to stay with her I would have only resented her. 
    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 4:48 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • If he took him illegally why can't you call the police? I know he will want to leave again, but this will give you the time until school is out.

    The other option is to allow him to stay with his dad under the condition that he contacts you at least once a week just to touch base.

    I feel for you mama. Dad is waging a war against you and using your son as collateral, try to get him out in one piece. Best of luck.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 5:10 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I thought about calling the sheriff, but decided that might make it worse. It was a toss up really on what to do.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:44 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • this happened to a friend of mine, she lawyered up and the courts told her that since her son was old enough to choose who to live with there was nothing they could do... this was in CA, not sure how it will turn out for you but i hope it turns out better than it did for her!
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 8:24 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Contact a lawyer. He can probably be arrested for kidnapping.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:32 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • What he did was illegal and you should press charges. GL!
    ethans_momma06

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 6:09 AM on May. 27, 2011

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