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How do I deal with a husband easily manilpulated and who spoils keeps his kids from becoming dependent adult. my stepchildren.

he makes plans for the kids to come and even stay permanently. I am not included. I just figured out his daughter is coming this Friday. I asked that she bring only one friend with her from out of town, as I am not in the best of health and the doctors have asked him to take as much stress off of me physically and emotionally. He feels I am being unreasonable.

Answer Question
 
jewel10

Asked by jewel10 at 4:35 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Your husband needs to show you some respect and discuss whats going on with you. His children should be welcome as long as they follow your house rules.    Your husbands children have been fortunate to have a loving father.  They don't realize they are spoiled this is the life they were given. Good Luck to you

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 5:01 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Thank you for the answer. I feel much better.
    I guess I should have more empathy to a degree for the kids.
    But the 25 year old is coming to stay permanently. He does not have a job.
    Never makes the interviews that his father arranges even with old friends in their small town 3 hours away.
    My husband used to go on interviews with him before we married. (I later found out) He said he had to do
    the talking. My thing is ... if you give him money to date, a car etc.. why does he need a job.
    I don't think moving 3.5 hours to the big city will help his enthusiam to get a job. Signed. he has never had a job.
    I will not take care of an adult. Also my husband says he has no chores. To me that is craz
    jewel10

    Comment by jewel10 (original poster) at 5:59 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Wonder if he would think divorce papers were unreasonable.
    He is the one who is unreasonable. My dh would never do that without consulting me.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:24 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Both your husband and his son sound very spoiled. Like they have never had to be accountable to anyone. My grown kids have all lived with myself and my husband, their step dad, throughout the last 5 years. They had chores, they were expected to be working or actively looking for work, and their was a time line for them to get back on their feet. If they had disrespected their step dad or me, they would be out. You must take care of yourself. If this kid is coming home permanently, you may start thinking of packing up permanently. And what is wrong with this kid that he can't do chores or go to his own interviews?
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 10:28 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Only allow one friend. If she brings more then one, dont allow them to stay. The 25 year old SHOULD NOT stay with you rent free. If you let him then they will just keep trying to walk all over you. Obviously, he is old enough to work. If someone else wants to let him leech off of them then fine, but none of the money to support him should come from your bank account!

    It isnt your husband's job to keep stress off of you. You need to be responsible for yourself and put your foot down.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 11:40 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • Your husband needs to WAKE UP!! Where's your respect and the respect for your HEALTH? I would have to speak up. Infact, I've been through this with my SS having friends over spur of the moment and not going home for 2 full days and nights. I spoke up and said "never again". If you can't give me some notice, then I can't gaurantee everyone will have food, drinks and pillows and blankets etc. I explained how that left me "hanging" and my DH saw it wasn't fair. So, now it's on my terms.....not just to please my SS and make him happy. My DH is so afraid that if he tells Ethan 'no" on anything,, then he won't want to come for visitation weekends anymore because he's 15. I still say he can't just run me over like that. I'm just asking to be "notified" . If he doesn't come back then he doesn't love his father very much. I know, I know......I'm so mean. :D
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 2:23 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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