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3 Bumps

Have you ever done this?

My daughter was about 6-8 months old. I was burning candles on top of our 5-foot entertainment center. I had picked her up and for weeks she wanted to touch the flame. For weeks I told her no, hot. Big owwie. She insisted. So finally one day I VERY slowly moved her into touching distance of the candle flame, watching like a hawk the whole time. She touched the flame, jerked her hand back and has never wanted to touch another candle flame.

Anyone else let their children experience something like this, in a controlled way?


Asked by Rosehawk at 8:34 PM on May. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Sure... I can't say I have ever done that exactly... but children need to understand and sometimes they need to experience it to understand. I would never let any real harm come to my kids but you do have to let them make bad decisions once in a while so they learn there are consequences... ever a younger ages they learn those things.

    Answer by Finkette at 8:37 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I haven't done that (we don't do candles- kudos to you for doing them where there is no way for her to reach them), but I do sometimes let them do something, knowing they will hurt themselves just a little, in the hopes they will learn from it. Go in the rain without an umbrella, get wet. Forget to put homework in the folder after I remind you and say you'll get a zero, get the zero. You get the idea.

    Answer by Tracys2 at 8:49 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Haven't done it but I have kids that are the learn the hard way kind. They don't understand the danger unless they experience. Exposing them "safely" to fire and how much it hurts is a good thing because they'd get hurt worse otherwise because they don't understand what "hot" means.
    Same with ouch. My son was a biter at 1. I would tell him no, ow, you hurt Mommy and he would laugh because he didn't even understand what hurt meant until I bit him back just hard enough for him to understand how much it could hurt. He cried for a second, I kissed him better and he NEVER bit anyone again.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 9:09 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • We did the same thing (we agreed together to do this) - ever since he has not touched. He would point and say hot. Now that he is 3, he just will walk up and blow it out. While telling you it was hot. lol. It really worked for us. Sometimes my son really needs to simply learn from experience.

    Answer by wanderingmuse at 9:17 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Yes.

    My kids are all teens and healthy, well adjusted, good kids.... some times if a no wont work you have to be creative.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • No way I would never let my baby touch an open flame. Yeah they learn their lesson quickly that way but I only view that when it's an accident. As the parent it's my job to protect her from things like that.

    Answer by lizlikeno1 at 8:35 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • wow
    wouldn't it have made more sense to just not have candles burning while she was awake?
    what if she burned herself???

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:39 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I can see WHY you'd do it, she may have gone on without you when she's a bit older to seriously burn herself, but I'm not sure I'd have done that, I can see both sides, I can't say I'd allow my baby to burn his hand, but you did teach your daughter not to touch because it's hot.

    Answer by kylie_bob at 2:18 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • Nope never did that.

    Answer by meooma at 8:43 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • LOL guess I should have phrased the question to Have you done this, or something like it?

    I remember her insisting for a good month that she wanted to touch that candle. So with her in my arms, and Daddy right there too I let her "touch" the candle. THAT one she just had to learn the hard way, but after that has never wanted to touch another candle. And through that we didn't have to go through her burning a hand on the oven. No, hot. Big Owwie. worked for that one.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 10:08 PM on May. 26, 2011