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Have you ever spied on your over 18 child/children?

My 20 yr old daughter was (and still is) dating a mentally abusive jerk. They finally broke up and she had not seen him for a month. One day his mom facebooks me and asks me to call her because she is so worried about my daughter. I call her and she tells me all kinds of things about him I didn't know and that my daughter had bailed him out of jail that morning. They live an hour away and I thought she just left early for work. Things were fine until this woman called me and I started getting worried about him stalking her. His mom started calling me (I didn't ask her too) every time she thought a problem would arise so I started looking at her phone records. Anyway, his mom felt guilty for telling me about the bail out thing and she told my daughter everything. Of course she was pissed and didn't talk to me or the guys mom for weeks. I still don't think I did anything wrong because I was worried. I wasn't looking for who she was talking to I was looking to see if he was bothering her. Anyway, the mom texted her she thought he would be going to jail and now they have gotten back together and now my daughter never tells us where she is going but we know. I could spit nails on that woman. I still look at the cell records and she texts him and his mom all day and she talks to this guy for 4 hrs a night. I'm pissed and yes jealous. Is it always wrong to spy on them?


Asked by itsmesteph11 at 9:22 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

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This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I don't have any children that age yet, but I am not above what your doing... in fact I would probably have handled it the same way you did. I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

    Answer by Finkette at 9:33 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • Once they move out of the house I don't spy on them. I'm always concerned and willing to help but I didn't spy.

    Answer by meooma at 9:24 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I do not understand. Jealous?
    Your daughter may be 18 plus in years but not in responsiblity and maturity.
    If you are doing it for her protection, I would not feel guilty.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:30 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I have my two sons several times!

    Answer by pjackson01 at 1:49 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Yes. But how do you have access to her phone records? Is she on your phone plan? In that case it is only really her phone if she is paying you for it. If she is giving you money for it or paying it herself then who she calls on it is her business alone. The only time I would consider it understandable for you to read her phone records is if you were paying for the phone and wanted to see what you are paying for.

    Generally, spying is bad. If you are worried about her then you should spend more time with her and ask her about the situation. Offer to buy her dinner or something and talk to her then....

    Answer by amber710 at 11:36 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • She lives at home and is on my cell plan.

    Comment by itsmesteph11 (original poster) at 11:04 PM on May. 28, 2011