Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

First time here....really need advice

My husband and I have been together almost 4 years now and we have one child together...he has 3 of his own. My son is a little over 14 months. Recently, discipline has become an issue between my husband and I. He feels like spanking is okay....and I, not so much. I don't necessarily disagreee with it but I don't feel like it is the best tool for teaching a child to behave or do what you ask...especially not when they are 14 months old. I approached my husband about it tonight and of course he got very defensive. My biggest issue is that he will spank our son for small things but I have never seen him so much as lay a finger on his own kids. Am I being petty about this or are my feelings justified? I really need some advice on how to better approach this in the future....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on May. 26, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • spanking should only be ok if it's your child did something major wrong i think and as young as he is it should be a light pop on the hand...he's still a little yound and some of the things he's doing he doesnt understand it is bad....i have 3 little girls i pop them on the hand sometimes but mostly it's time out in their room or putting their nose on the wall.

    Answer by lvmy3lilones at 10:41 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • This is his own child, isn't it? Spanking is highly effective for teaching respect and obedience. It should not be used for accidents and the like. If your husband is not misusing his authority, your feelings are not justified. I would not call them petty, because our feelings are what they are. The thing is that if you don't support your husband in the area of discipline, you will be sending very mixed signals to your child, and that will cause heap big problems later on.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:43 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I agree with you 100%....I always tell my husband that it takes a lot of times telling him no before he will understand....and at his age, he doesn't remember things the way we do.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:44 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • You guys need to talk and come to some agreement on this, bit if he gets defensive then that's the thing to figure out first. The words you use can have a HUGE impact on how he reacts (NOT saying it's your fault, just that you have more control over this). Tell him you'd like to develop a more clear plan on how "we" will deal with discipline, and propose some guidelines, and ask him what he thinks and listen. Like maybe if he's coloring on the walls, say "No coloring on the walls. Here's some paper." Use redirection 3 times then if he's still being stubborn, put him in time-out. Explain why you think this is better (reinforces difference between good and bad behavior over time, etc.) which "obviously, we both want him to learn." And I think it's okay if mom and dad have a different way of dealing with him when he's stubbornly naughty (like if you do time-out and he taps the kid's hand) if you're both consistent.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 2:30 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • You can also tell your husband that spanking or not spanking is not the issue, its consistancy and you want to be on the same page and that you want spanking to be the final outcome not the first. Perhaps he is afraid to spank the other kids if an ex is involved and get dragged to court, not that any insane ex would ever take a small spanking and turn it into denied visitation. Sometimes with the bull headed (men) we need intervention as they will agree with a stranger in the supermarket before their own wife. Perhaps drag him to the next pediatrician appointment and aske what appropriate punishment for the age is.

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 3:36 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Thank you all for the advice. I am in no way opposed to spanking but I believe there is a right time for it and it shouldn't be after every little thing done wrong. All children learn in their own time and it is our job as parents to teach them....not to expect them to know after the first or even second time saying no. I appreciate all of the advice and will definite use it!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:06 PM on May. 27, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.