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How can I get through to him?

I am seriously not happy about what happened today. Apparently our youngest (4) got into the oldest's (10) nail polish, and it ended up getting all over Daddy's ABU top (he had an award's ceremony today and had to look presentable). Of course, Daddy is pissed because now his $60 uniform top is ruined (or so he thinks...I think you can get it out with nail polish remover?), and he grounds all the kids to their beds (7 year old boy and 5 year old girl as well as the 4 year old girl) for the "rest of the day" (this being at ~1pm this afternoon) because the older two weren't looking after the youngest (if the oldest had kept her crap put up, this wouldn't have why again are the 7 year old and 5 year old getting punished?).

Rest of the day? Are you KIDDING me? Oh, and if I say anything to him, its "I'm a horrible father and can't get anything right" attitude that I didn't feel like dealing with (hey, he's not home, so what happens after he leaves he doesn't have to know about, right?). So of course I didn't make them stay in their rooms the rest of the afternoon. They wouldn't have anyway! After about 10 or so mins, they all got restless anyway. Oh, and he also said they couldn't watch TV (BULL SHIT). If he wants to give them that kind of punishment, HE needs to be the one to deal with them...NOT ME.

He hasn't always been like this, but he's starting to get stricter with them because "they don't listen, and the other stuff just isn't working". BTW, the oldest didn't get punished because she's already being punished for sneaking candy bars (something she knows she's not suppose to do) then lying about it. He's making her write 500 sentences (I think 100 would have been plenty, personally). We've told her if she wants something she knows she normally doesn't get, she has to ask first. And if she does mess up, and we ask "what happened," we expect the truth, because you tell the truth, your punishment will be far less than what it would have been (I'm not sure we would have even punished her for taking the bars, just reminded her that she has to ask FIRST...OK, she would have lost dessert for her next meal, but isn't that much better than sitting there writing 500 sentences?).

Anyway, I just don't know how to talk to my husband about how harshly he is dealing with the kids, because he gets to deal out the punishment, then leave to go to work, and then I have to "enforce" those punishments after he's gone, when I do not agree with them?

BTW, I won't take away TV from them, especially when he's at work, and its too cold for them to go outside. They tend to get extremely loud when they've been grounded from the TV, and its a whole lot of "Mommy, he did that" "she did this" "they did whatever", and frankly, when you hear nothing but that, you get to the point of where you just don't care. Sit down, shut up, and watch some TV for a couple hours...SHEESH. They CAN sit in a room and play nicely with each other...but today was just a rotten day to begin with :/

Thanks for reading, and sorry its so long.


Asked by hopeandglory53 at 12:33 AM on May. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 33 (57,941 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I think that you have marriage problems.
    He is over the top and not realistic.
    But why in the world would you not make them turn off the tv.
    You have to help them learn to entertain themselves without tv.
    YOu need a vacation with your husband or someone.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:41 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • I didn't get much sleep last night, and sleepy mommy = bitchy mommy, especially when noise is involved. (It didn't help anything when he came screaming into the house after he found the nail polish...screaming at me, etc, and I was TRYING to take a nap so I wouldn't be bitchy mommy!)

    And yes, I agree, I need a vacation :/ WE need a vacation, but we can't because of finances/gas prices mostly. Plus, he's due to deploy again here in a couple months. I'm always more calm/relaxed when I've been able to get out for a couple hours w/o the kids, spend time with someone other than family, but...sadly, no friends, or at least no one I would want to hang out with anymore.

    Comment by hopeandglory53 (original poster) at 12:46 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • I agree is going over the top. Have you tried talking to him? Try to get on the same page when it comes to punishments. Explain to him you BOTH need to agree on a punishment espeically since you're the one that has to enforce it. Tell him his kids are not his troops.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:02 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • See, that's my problem. I seem to be coming off as accusatory (I'm very straightforward kind of person), and I don't want to! So either I'm coming off as an ass, or he's just too upset and too "emotional" (and he says women are too damned emotional) to even try to talk to!

    I swear he PMS's just like I do! Cuz its not like this all the time!

    Comment by hopeandglory53 (original poster) at 10:36 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • I think it is YOUR job to watch what your little ones are doing. Don't place the blame on the 10 yr old. What your DH is doing is wrong, but it is YOUR job not the childrens to watch.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on May. 27, 2011