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3 Bumps

What is it that makes my in laws feel so entitled to monopolize on DH's time?

DH and I have been married 12 years and my in laws have turned to him for every thing. It usually involves him driving an hour out of his way for some insignificant task they could do themselves. If Grandma calls MIL to ask her for a favor *she doesn't have a car, lives alone* MIL in turn calls DH whining saying she doesn't have time to do whatever it is. She only has time to go do things SHE wants to do. MIL doesn't have a job, so why can't she do it? DH has a job and coaches our son's baseball team. What little free time he has, he can't enjoy because they come up with things for him to do. BIL is always having car trouble and never calls unless he wants DH to fix it. Then if he isn't there quick enough, he calls the house phone and my cell phone to see what's taking so long! SIL doesn't call DH to get him to do things, but if she is asked to do errands for their Dad or Grandma, she complains to her Mom and MIL in turn calls DH to whine on her behalf. Once, SIL was INSIDE the store with prescriptions for their Dad and she said she didn't have time get them because she was going out partying. So DH has to drive 1 hour round-trip to town to do it. DH doesn't mind helping out, but it's gotten ridiculous. We have three kids, ages 11, 8 and 2. He never gets to spend much time with them because his family has him running all over the place. Just yesterday, our oldest son told me that it bothers him that people call him for everything. He said they take time away from him and his brothers when they could things themselves. When an 11 year old can see this, I don't know why the adults in the family can't. I keep telling DH that it is ok for him to say he can't and that they'll figure out he won't be their doormat any more. It's a constant cycle. He feels bad for saying no, but complains to me that they are wearing him out. I don't know what to do to help him other than tell him to stand up for himself. What would you do in this situation?

 
Mrs.B3

Asked by Mrs.B3 at 12:38 AM on May. 27, 2011 in Just for Fun

Level 16 (3,196 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • they are asking him to do it because he will.

    when I lived in my hometown my parents started acting like that as well. when it got to the point when I counted that my mother had asked me to get up and get something for her 5 times during one tv show I just started saying no, or laying the ground rules.

    he could still help them, but he's going to have to start saying no. Sure, they'll get mad and maybe distance themselves, but look at all he's loosing out on being the errand boy.

    I'm sorry this is happening, I know the feeling! It wasn't until I moved about 1800 miles away that they finally stopped hounding me with requests. I guess they didn't think I was serious with my NO responses.

    good luck!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:26 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • well... he's been doing it for more then 12 years. I doubt it will change.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:39 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • Your husband needs to tell them no. Until he does there isn't much that can be done.
    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 12:43 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • i would have my son tell him that himself
    sophistcatdfury

    Answer by sophistcatdfury at 12:54 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • there's a group on cm that specializes in crappy in-laws. they would be able to help you out, learning to set boundaries, helping you find a way to show dh what leeches his family is. i can pm you the link if you want.
    AngryBob

    Answer by AngryBob at 1:04 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • i'll send it right now ;)
    AngryBob

    Answer by AngryBob at 1:09 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • Doesn't seem like he's interested in saying no to them either. Good luck on things changing, but I don't see it happening. Maybe ya'll should just move closer to save on gas and make it easier.

    Yes, I'm being facetious.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 1:28 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • It's so frustrating! It's always bothered me, and he has blown up on them a time or two and the calls slacked off. Gradually they return though. Now that our oldest son has voiced his opinion, it MAY cause DH to rethink all the errands he does?
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 12:45 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • Our son told me last night, but he said he didn't want to tell DH because he was afraid he'd be mad at him. I told DH and he did go swimming with all three kids, so that was a welcome change. I think he needs to take this seriously. If it was just me, I would still be upset, but it's affecting our kids and they realize it now. Personally, I think DH should tell his family what our son said. Maybe that would be the thing that clicks.
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 1:00 AM on May. 27, 2011

  • Oh that would be great! Thank you!
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 1:07 AM on May. 27, 2011

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