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How should I treat her?

I guess my sister and her dh were trying to concieve when I found out I was preggers... I feel so bad now b/c at first she told me she was soooo jealous but not mad, just lustfull of what I was going to have... well that was in feb. and last month she found out her ovaries arent working... I just feel so bad for her, I know she wants to have kids more than anything! there are soo many things I wish I could share like "Im so excited the baby did this, etc." and I dont want to bring something up that could potentially really make her feel bad... My mom and I both tried telling her she would have kids b/c my mom had this same problem and had both me and my sister... She is planning my shower and is very excited she goes to all of the ultrasounds and everything I make it a point to invite her particularly because I want her to feel included. What can I tell her, what should I not share with her, any advice????

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kpolitte

Asked by kpolitte at 12:47 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Trying to Conceive

Level 10 (415 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Share it all with her, good and bad. Sounds like she is very supportive. Or maybe even ask her if she starts to feel bad when you're talking about it to let you know.
    MommyKKay

    Answer by MommyKKay at 12:51 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • i dont know the financial situation but what about being the surrogate for her? idk just a thought. And CONGRATS on your little bundle

    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 12:51 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Could you offer to be an egg donor for her? I think that would be an amazing offer and don't treat her any different. I had a stillborn at 8 months and all my friends were having babies, I went to thier stuff ( it was hard), but the best friend I had treated me like the plague, a girl who wasn't that close to me called me up just to hear me vent,, I think you need to ask her how she is feeling and say that you realize it must be hard, and how much you love and appreciate her! Congrats!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:58 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • well from my perspective as my husband & i TTC, watching many family members get pregnant & have babies; i would rather they wait til i bring it up/until i ask questions about how it is going with them,. your sis is probably hurting inside, and hearing your news does hurt but she is your sister and wants to know that all is well with you and your baby... but just stick with telling her the basics like your updates after appointments... i seem mean, but after a year and half TTC i dont like to hear how wonderful the baby moving inside is and how cute this outfit is, this baby toy or furniture is, i also dont like to hear whining about the bad things like money/doctor bills, bad gas, stomach aches or back issues, not feeling sexy... all that stuff...because all i am thinking when i hear my sister or anyone boast or whine about the lovely and bad pregnancy issues im thinking 'i would be MORE than HAPPY to be going through it'
    RobinEsMommy

    Answer by RobinEsMommy at 1:03 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • RobinEsMommy I think that is how my sister feels but she wont tellme... I think I will just keep with the important stuff!!! I really try not to complain around her either b/c I know she would feel just like you as in "Happy to be going through it!" and even as kids we always told eachother we would surrogate, donate eggs etc. for eachother, but I think she wants to try on her own with fertility treatment first...
    kpolitte

    Comment by kpolitte (original poster) at 1:10 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • hmm i think it should be several years down the road after her getting pregnant has become inevitable and she herself has mentioned the possibility having a surrogate or egg donation i dont think that its ok to offer something like that until the time is right, even if she is a wonderful sweet nice woman its too much like a mental kick to her face that says 'oh you cant do it yourself but I CAN so im happy to do it for you' ..... timing is everything ... but definitely do not feel bad for getting preggers before her, no one wants anyone to feel sorry for them it just makes them feel worse thinking everyone else is hurting cuz she is hurting, i dont know what i would want someone to say to me... i just know ts just a sensitive time, just take it slow :)
    RobinEsMommy

    Answer by RobinEsMommy at 1:24 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I've been TTC for 2 years. Just let her know that you're there for her, and that you don't want to make things uncomfortable. She may be very excited for you, and you NOT including her in stuff will only make her feel left out and isolated...everyone is different. The only way you can know is to ask. But definitely don't complain about morning sickness/aches/pains, etc. And definitely DO NOT offer to surrogate for her. Wait and let her go through what she needs to go through. A well meaning friend offered that to me, and I felt like she thought I didn't have a change of becoming pregnant. Just be supportive of her. And kudos to you for being sensitive enough to ask!
    MedicMommy

    Answer by MedicMommy at 7:08 PM on May. 27, 2011

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