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My bff complains how no one helps her to see one of her kids

do i confront her that it bothers me that she puts blame on others when it's no one else's fault but her own?
she had him adopted since she couldn't support him. she is a great lady, just had a lot happen to her.
she always asks me why no one has popped up in her life that can drive her to her kids (she is disabled).
i live very far away from her and it's in the opposite direction of her child, so i still have not offered a ride for her after all these years since my car isn't in the best shape and that's a lot to ask when it's her responsibility!
Should i recommend her to take a bus or something?
please supportive answers only


Asked by Liz4Life at 12:55 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,309 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Just a thought...I am sure you have already thought of this. I would encourage her not to do any surprise visits. She needs to plan out a visit first with the adoptive parents. If she shows up unexpected it could end up ugly and not be healthy for the children.

    Answer by ochsamom at 1:22 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Is it an open adoption where she can see the kids? If so maybe she should call the adopted parents and make arrangements with them about seeing the kids (maybe they could go to her house, or meet at a neutral spot- that she can get to by bus...). Otherwise she may have to try to bus, or take a cab or if she is disabled maybe specialized transit (if there is 1 in her city).

    Answer by MizLee at 12:59 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Is there some state agency that might be able to at least offset the cost of transportation?

    Answer by meooma at 12:57 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I would do it in an empowering way. Tell her that it's time she stop waiting for things to happen and take charge. Tell her that she can figure out a way, whether it's taking a bus, train, plane, something.....

    Answer by Kimedbs at 12:58 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I would try to be as supportive as possible. She is your friend for a reason and I would just suggest taking a bus. Tell her your sorry that you cannot take her because money is tight or whatever reason. Having a strangers POV, to me, I would tell her to just deal. I am a rather harsh person or can be sometimes. If she really wanted to see her child though....she would figure out a way to get there on her own. I would walk if that was my situation.

    Answer by Navywife2808 at 1:00 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • hm ok i will google specialized transit and state agency help
    and great point about "taking charge"

    Comment by Liz4Life (original poster) at 1:01 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Are the people raising her bilological children open to her visiting? Perhaps they can help her plan transportation. Ultimately, she is a grown woman who can bare children, she can find her way (with the support and appoval of the adoptive parents of course).

    Answer by ochsamom at 1:02 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • yes it is an open adoption but the adopted parents aren't very nice since they were the parents of her ex husband. so since the divorce they haven't been very nice. they would never drive or offer her help. but i know there's help out there somewhere

    Comment by Liz4Life (original poster) at 1:05 PM on May. 27, 2011