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How involved are grandparents in your child's life?

I am an only child and my grandparents were deceased by the time I was age 8. I have not had a lot of dealings with extended family until my son was born. My son is now almost 4 and I am having a hard time 'sharing' him with my inlaws. I love my inlaws dearly, they would do anything for us. I just have an issue of my own with me wanting everything to involve only myself, my hubby and my son. Example - my inlaws want to take all of us on a trip to see my sister inlaw and also want to take us on a trip in the fall to Disney. My inlaws also want (on occasion) to come and watch my son's swimming lessons, attend school functions, etc. Is this too much or am I holding on too tight?

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secondbaby75

Asked by secondbaby75 at 1:46 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (12 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • You are holding on WAY TOO TIGHT.
    There are wonderful lessons to be learned from grandparents, and it is a HUGE blessing to have them and have them WANT to be so active in your lives.
    It absolutly doesnt sound as if they are trying to do too much.... sounds just right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • He's lucky to have grandparents that want to be so involved in his life. You'd be doing him a disservice by not allowing him to form a close bond with them. Grandparents can teach our children things we can't. We see my mom almost every day, and she babysits for me when I'm working. She's very involved and I wouldn't have it any other way. Their paternal grandparents on the other hand aren't nearly as involved as they should be. My DH died 6 years ago, and if anything you'd think they'd try harder to be in the kids' lives but the opposite is proving true.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 1:51 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • My son usually spends the night at my grandma's house 2 to 3 times a month. She loves it and I know it makes her feel better. My parents used to be very involved in my kids life but they started becoming distant and not being there for important things. So now they are not at all. My inlaws get to see my kids atleast once a month.
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 1:52 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Oh and yes you are holding on too tight!!
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 1:53 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • i love my parents they complain they dont see my son enough, and then complain they only see him when they baby sit. but i work full time and then have to go homand cook dinner clean give him a bath. it lately has been driving me crazy cause i feel like i dont get to see him as much as i want, because he goes to his dads alot too... so i understand wehre you are coming from and its definately hard , i think you might have to use a little give and take let them come to some things but leave others just the three of u
    jenn660

    Answer by jenn660 at 1:54 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Honestly? Let me start by saying, that in the end, it's what you and DH are most comfortable with for your family. Personally, though, I don't see anything wrong with what your in-laws are asking. In fact, I think your son is very lucky to have extended family that want to support him and be involved. Unless you're in-laws are the sort that will not provide a healthy relationship, it's only a benefit to your son to have them as an active participant in his life.

    I grew up without active grandparents. My kids, on the other hand, have very hands on grandparents. IN fact, they see my mom and dad several times during the week. My DD is sleeping over there tomorrow night for her once a month sleepover. DS had his sleepover last week. Gm and Gp were at the school project fair this week with DH, the kids and I too. It's a gift. My kids are better off for it. It's another set of ears, it's another set of arms. It's another support
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 2:02 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • You are holding on too tight. My kids are 8, 10 and 12 and all of there grandparents and deceased. Let them be grandparents.
    RelaxedMom2-3

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 2:26 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • its fabulous to have involved grandparents. i lived downstairs my whole life from my one set of grandparents. and the set i only saw twice in my life. i wish i had another set of grandparents. my parents are the ones helping me raise my daughter. they love their grandchildre. yes you are holding on too tight. grandparents are so great. they get to share secrets and form bonds with your son that is just so special. i only have my grandmother left and i call her everyday and listen to her stories and its just beyond words and its just different then talking to my mother. please let them be part of his life because you want him to have those memories they are priceless.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 3:20 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • holding on wayyyyyy to tight. My inlaws dont have much involvement with our children. My mom lives 400 miles away and sees them more than my in-laws. In fact my FIL did not see our 2nd born son until he was over 2yrs old! I wish my in-laws wanted to be more involved in our 4 boys lives. They wonder why they arent and it is sad.
    team21

    Answer by team21 at 4:14 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I think what they are wanting to do sounds fine. I can understand what you're saying about wanting it to just be the three of you but really, two trips and they want to see his swim lessons doesn't sound bad. What I deal with is my IL's thinking everything needs to go their way or no way. MIL and SIL try to mother my children, even going so far as to teach my son to call MIL "mommy". I was livid and corrected him in front of her. She was p.o.'d but didn't try that again. They think literally every weekend we should drive to their house, whether we can afford it or not as they live in another town, and that we should not take a vacation that does not include them. And God forbid if we say no. Then it's the silent treatment, which is really not a punishment. What I would give for my IL's to be like yours. Again I don't think you're being mean or anything with how you feel, but believe me it could be worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on May. 27, 2011

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