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Ex's family

my ex was adopted, so he didn't find his bio mom until after we were divoreced - anyhow, I've never met them. My kids have never met them.
The kids "grandma" says she wants to keep in touch with the kids, ect.
I want to cut all ties to her. Her son, Kids father, has not seen or paid child support in over two years. I know, they know where he is and have contact with him. BUT when I've asked they tell me - he's a grown man, that's his business. If he doesn't choice to see his kids or pay child support.
I'm torn between what to do - My theory is that if they (kids grandma and Aunt) cared about my kids - they'd talk to the kids father about paying child support and being here for his kids.
AND knowing, that it's not their fault that my ex is a dead beat father.
How can they say they care and still cover for him,
How would you handle this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • In my opinion, one should never keep children from family members as long as they are kind and loving. Even if your ex is a jerk for not paying (which I agree with) this still has nothing to do with your children's family ties. They should not be punished for their father's sins.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 3:03 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • It is not the grandparent's fault that he is not paying child support. They can't make him pay it, so i would not punish them by withholding them from seeing the grandkids just because their son don't pay child support. I would not want my daughterinlaw to keep me from seeing my grandchild if my son did not pay child support.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I would pursue the ex thru the courts for support and if you are comfortable maybe meet in a park with the family. If not it is your choice. They are protecting him on one hand yet on the other hand it is the father's responsability to step up and take care of his kids.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 2:51 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • It's not your children's fault their father is a dead beat dad either. If your children's grandparents are good loving people I think it would be good for the kids to have more family to love them.  Who knows maybe they will be your new support system.  As long as the grand parents don't drop in and out of your children lives.  Good luck to you!

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 2:52 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • people do strange things, I would cut them all out of my kids lives, HOWEVER, I will tell you that the court's stance on it is that paying or not paying child support doesn't give you the right to see your kids. I know many scrumbags who don't pay child support and still see their children courtesy of our lovely court system.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • they live in another state, actually several states away. I can't afford to travel there.
    My kids know, they excise and when I'd ask them, do you want to call like on Grandparents day, they tell me no.
    they are 12 & 10 yrs old
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:54 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • he has volenteerly not seen the kids in over two years. I never kept him from them. He ran from paying child support.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:55 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • They know where he is? Shouldn't they want him to do the right thing for his children? NOT just tell me, it's his problem. I know, it is his problem. BUT why should I send pictures of the kids for my ex to see, when he is not being a parent.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:06 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • My mom was in a similar situation with my dead beat father. My father kept moving and there really weren't the support enforcement laws that there are today. My father and his parents would sporadically try to see me and she made it really difficult. This went on from the time I was 3 so I have a resentment for both sides.

    Keep communications open and be the bigger person. Really, what is a picture going to hurt? Maybe it will encourage him to catch up on what he has been missing. And encourage the kids to do some nice things for the grandparents. They might not think they have a part of it, but if the kids are making themselves available it might be the virtual thump on the head that the grandparents need.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 3:16 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I am reunited to my son that I gave up for adoption. Because I relinquished him to other parents I don't feel that I have the right to try to parent him now. I might say "son you should really be paying your child support" but that's about it. I'd feel powerless to force him plus I'd be terrified that if I pissed him off I'd lose him again. Your kids grandma might feel that way too.

    Even if your ex and his bio family don't have the moral right to be in your kids lives, your kids have the right to have their bio relatives in their lives. Do it for them.

    Continue to chase your ex through legal channels, If he has a job they could garnish his wages.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:57 PM on May. 27, 2011

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