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To allow them to hold back my son or not

My son is 7 years old and has just completed the second grade. His teacher wants to hold him back because she says that he isn't ready for the third grade. I'm against this for self esteem reasons. My plan is to "homeschool" him during the summer so that I can help him get ready. Are there ways to help a child develop "maturity" besides just time?


Asked by MelissaCarole at 7:29 PM on May. 27, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (11)
  • I think that it would be hard to find the right answer but I think if the teacher suggests it then she has his best interest at heart. At that age I don't think it would bother him as much as if he was older. Just my personal opinion but I would imagine it will catch up to him eventually. Why not let him stay behind then hopefully he will have an advantage for next year and every year there after. He would still be with kids his age so he shouldn't feel left out.

    Answer by Melbornj at 7:33 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I know many children that were held back and had no problems later in life. Trust me, if he can't keep up with his peers by being put forward when he isn't ready, THAT will cause self esteem issues as well.

    We do not know the extent of why the teacher wants to hold him back. Is he having academic issues? social issues?

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:42 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Emotional maturity can't be helped by homeschooling. I went that route and started my son into the next grade (he was not held back but it was obvious he as not ready to move on). By the time he was a freshman, he had to do his freshman year twice because he just couldn't catch up. He ended up being even more behind because his academics suffered due to his social struggles, but now that he is where he belongs he has had a terrific year. He has more confindence, he isn't as angry or emotional and he is getting straight A's without barely trying mostly because he is so happy and eager to go to school. I would really think deeply about your motives to advance him against the school's advice. At least in my area schools will not get funding for a child that has already completed a grade so when they want to hold a child back they must think it is the very best thing for the child.

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 9:14 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Schools in general do not recommend holding a child back without a lot of consideration. I sub at my son's school but am not a teacher by profession. I have seen a lot of kids over the last couple of years whose parents have insisted that they be moved forward against the school's recommendation. Without exception, they struggle through the next year, whether academically or socially and often end up being held back later, when it is more difficult socially. I understand your concerns about your son's self esteem, but frankly, his self esteem will only be affected if you view it as negative and convey that to him. At this age, by and large, other kids don't realize and your son will quickly form a new social group with his new classmates. By giving him the extra year in 2nd grade you will be setting him up for success in his future school years rather than potential failure.


    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 7:56 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • yes. homeschool sounds good. is that the reason they want to hold him back?

    Answer by dancer at 7:32 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • WHAT is her reason? Emotional maturity or academic maturity?


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:33 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • When is his birthday? I was one of the oldest in my class, but my son is the youngest in his class.
    Maybe the summer school will help - if the teacher can give you the areas he needs help. Like reading or math.
    If he is one of the youngest or in the midddle age wise - I would hold him back. Like mentioned about he'd have the upper hand the rest of his school years.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 7:39 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • When my twin boys were tested for kindergarten, I was told they were not ready. I was thinking to myself not ready for kindergarten WTF. I agreed in putting them in a pre k program the school offered. BEST decision I made both boys had a awesome experience. Now they are getting ready to graduate kindergarten full of confidence.   I think working with your son during the summer would be an excellent idea. Sounds like your son is one of the younger second graders, and a few months in age difference does make a huge difference in maturity.  If your sons teacher feels he should be held back, it's because she sees his struggles and knows third grade is only going to be more difficult.  Good Luck to you and your son.  Trust me when I say this, you will be happy you held him back in the future when you see how wonderful he is doing in school!


    Answer by mommiedear at 8:01 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I dont know why the teacher is suggesting it, is it because he isnt understanding the work? If that is it, then I would keep him back. If its a maturity thing, I"m not sure what you could do in a summer to help with that.

    Answer by minimo77 at 10:11 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • My son has adhd and has to take medication. The kids that I have seen that have been held back, in general, don't seem to be doing much better that their peers. They always seem to introduce themselves adding I'm suppose to the in the "whatever" grade.
    My step granddaughter was held back in Kindergarden and she isn't doing any better than my grandson. She is almost a year and half older that he is and he gets straight A's and B"s.
    My son just doesn't seem to pay attention so I don't think holding him back is the answer. How is he going to pay more attention again being in the same grade that going to the next grade.
    I am not sure, I want to see how he does with his medication and "extra" schooling in the summer. He plays with all those kids all the time and he doesn't seem more immature in play they most of them do. He is the youngest though, Some of the kids are actually nine years old, because they were held back.

    Comment by MelissaCarole (original poster) at 10:56 AM on May. 28, 2011