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Question about keeping relationships with exs...

My boyfriend has been divorced from his wife for over 4 years now, and we have been dating for 3. They have no children or mutual friends together, and she is re-married recently to her old high school sweetheart (her and I went to high school together and used to be friends but had a falling out our senior year). I knew that every now again, they would text or something if she had a question about like her car or something, and once he gave her back their old entertainment center. Whatever. Well, yesterday he told me that she wants to buy us a gift for our baby... (Im 8 months pregnant.) ?what? He told me that they do talk often, and are really good friends! Umm, I didnt totally bring it up to him, but whoa this bothers me. I dont mind checking up every now and then, being friends on facebook etc. But why the need to be "really good friends" all of a sudden? I have always had this feeling that there are lingering feelings, and may always be, between them, or him for her. Not in a romantic way...I hope... but in a "first love, no closure etc" sort of way. I have felt like I wont ever compare to her his eyes, etc. He still talks about her sometimes, more often than I would like...which probably he thinks about her even more. I dont see a reason to be friends, if there is nothing like children or mutual friends to keep them connected. I am not comfortable with her buying us a gift, and I really dont want him to be friends with her... but, I dont see how I can tell him who to be friends with and who not be friends with. I feel like maybe I am over-reacting, but I can't help hating this. And just the way he said it... was odd for some reason, I dont know how to explain. Im just feeling uncomfortable, suspicious, and weirded out. what do you think?

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Tarrar

Asked by Tarrar at 9:42 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,733 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I think first if YOU are not comfortable with it, he omitted it until now, then it needs to stop ..Period, they have no ties to stay friends and you and baby come first. I don't think its a control thing as more of a comfort relationship issue. I don't like the fact he didn't tell you so its either he's hiding or you could be a bit controlling already. its hard to say. there was / is only 1 person I ever can't stand my DH to talk to be around or with - and they weren't even dating, this chick would call and hang up when I answered and tried hooking up with DH while I wasn't around. NOT ool.. but for his first love/ex.. I know he didn't have closeure with, after years I told him he really NEEDS to get some closure and told him if he wanted to call her and go out to talk, I was all for it. but in the end, If YOU are not comfy, its not OK
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:50 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I'm friends with some of my exes, but not "really good friends". I think it's nice to be able to keep up a friendship with someone you obviously cared about, but honestly I wouldn't be comfortable with it either.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:52 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Okay, I also, keep into contact with one of my old high school boyfriends. We are facebook friends, and maybe say a quick "hey" once a year or something. He is also friends with other girls and exs. I dont have a problem with it at all. And I would mind them keeping in contact every now and then, either. But yea, the really good friends thing, and the fact that he kept it from me...I do not like. I am not conrolling, and have never told him before that he cant be friends with anyone. The only thing I try to restrict is going to bars and partying bc he has cheated doing this before, so I dont feel bad being a bitch about that. :) Thanks ladies... so now...how do I talk to him about this without cornering him, and making him understand?
    Tarrar

    Comment by Tarrar (original poster) at 9:58 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • whenever i had problems with the bf while i was preggers, i would look at him and say look it might be the pregnancy and hormones talking, but the doesn't sit well with me and it makes me feel real uncomfortable. and explain to him take sometimes a pregnant woman feels "different" since she's gaining a little weight and things worry you more now days. calmly telling my bf always worked. well it gave him and understanding and he was considerate
    babymomma101110

    Answer by babymomma101110 at 11:01 PM on May. 27, 2011

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