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Do you say mean lies when you fight with your SO?

My SO and I got in a fight and he told me I am lucky I got pregnant because we never would have ended up together... He said I ruined his life, this is never what he wanted. He tells me this now after were engaged and then once things settle he tells me he just said that because he knew it would upset me. When we fight I speak the blatant truth no need to come up with hurtful lies.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Nope. We fight fair with respect.

    We have both been in relationships where that happened to us and it's nice to know that we can disagree and still treat each other as we would like to be treated.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:24 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Later on he appoloizes and says he just said it because he was so mad and he knew it would get under my skin but I'm not so sure I believe that. :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:24 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • When I really blew up with my husband, I said a few things that surprised me. The fact that they came out without me even thinking about it was scary and the more I thought about it the more I realized I DID mean them. Maybe there is some SMALL truth behind what he said and he just doesn't want to admit it. I actually told my husband that I hated him for making everything harder than it already was for me. Later when we talked I explained why I felt that way and he saw what I meant. I started to pack my shit when he said if it wasn't working that I could just go. He BEGGED me to stay. He said he didn't really think I was going to throw it away like that. I'm so glad that I didn't too! I was so stressed and I wanted so badly to finish school and get my degree. I told him I HATED him and he didn't give up on me. I don't know what to say about that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • No I just say the truth.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:52 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • I speak the truth but I try to be careful what I say so I don't say anything too hurtful seems like he probably did mean it but then after the fact he thought about it and realized There's nothing he can do about it now so he's going to stick It out . His parents are divorced and he always says he doesn't want the kids to live he life he had to live

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:59 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Should I question our engagement? He proposed to me 7 mths after our son was born. And we have been engaged for almost 7 mts and havent even talked about any weddin plans....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:01 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • The is ALWAYS truth in what we say out of anger. We say what we FEEL. You need to sit him down and talk this one out. There are some things we all give up for our SOs and our children. Maybe at the time he was feeling the rub of it and he needs to explain. Maybe he doesn't go out and he used to?

    Our arguments early in our marriage (we never dated) brought out a lot of my resentment towards him because of how isolated and trapped I felt. We talked and worked out ways I could "get away" from being "that wife with child". Going on 7 years now and I can't imagine life without him.

    P.S. we never fight. disagree maybe, but we're too stable to be mad long enough to fight.

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 12:02 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • Don't question your engagement. He needs those feelings validated. Being unafraid to say what you think is one key to a strong marriage. Work it out now and a lot of problems will be solved early on.

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 12:06 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • It's a strategy some people use to get their opponent upset and off track.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:41 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • whatever is said in the heat of a fight....should not be taken personally, ever. I have heard worse than this from my husband, he has borderlien personality disorder ...they are quick to anger, say very cruel things, rarely hve lasting relationships cause they say CRUEL low blows when angry, they perceive things differently , it is easy to make them feel like they are being attacked and they go into defensive mode, hyper sensitive....ive learned to diffuse those situations, not let arguments even happen, when to calmly explain myself, when to walk out and let him calm down etc. and the things he has said during anger....i cannot take personally cause that is just BPD ppl are.

    not saying your SO is bpd, if your curious, but dont ever take fighting words to heart, ever. they may be rooted in some partial truth but dont listen to them

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:30 AM on May. 28, 2011

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