Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Would this irritate you?

my finacee and I have one child together and I have another child from a previous relationship but my son doesn't see his real dad. He knows my finacee as dad because he's been there since he was 3 mths old. Every holiday my fiancees mom buys stuff for both our boys. For the son we have together it's always a shirt that says something about dad, daddy. I love daddy, daddy's little man, I get my good looks from my dad.. And she gets my other son something plain w no writing. Maybe I'm just being bitchy but it's gone on since my yougest was born over a year ago. Can't she ever find anytjin that says mom on it or maybe something for my older son who also calls my fiancée "dad"? Maybe she's doing it to erk me.. Would it bother you?

Answer Question

Asked by Februarymom2009 at 11:43 PM on May. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (86 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Its time to talk to her about it and let her know how you feel it can only get better. (((((HUGS)))))

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:47 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • She might not be doing it on purpose. Maybe she doesn't know how you would feel if she got him something like that. Does she treat your son like her grandchild or does she treat him differently? I honestly wouldn't think too much about it, because you may just be reading to much into it...Now if she's treating him a lot differently than your other one, then maybe there would be an issue, but if it's just the gifts (with the writing on it) don't read to much into it.

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 11:48 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • it would upset me I would speak with her also. Maybe she just doesn't know she's being rude.

    Answer by IamErin-K. at 11:48 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • She doesn't really like me anyway. I brought it up to my fiancée hoping he would say something but he's a guy and he doesn't even remember what the kids get half the time and he says I'm overreacting. One day when he was at his Moms (the day before I had my son) he called and said my family wants to know why our son can't have my last name. He harassed me so much I cried. We weren't married and we still aren't and I wanted both my sons to have the same last name (mine). I agreed if we got married eventually we would change it.

    Comment by Februarymom2009 (original poster) at 11:52 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • My MIL did something similar. Call her on it. This is woman to woman, some things you can't put your SO in the middle of.

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 12:13 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • I think ur SO should have said something but since he didnt you have to address the issue now b4 they get to old and both ur sons realize that she makes this difference..mayb if you talk to her she would just say she didnt want to offend any1 and didnt know how u would feel about it. GL and Hugs!

    Answer by Heather021287 at 12:20 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • Since it's his mom he needs to be in the middle of it. Something should have been said already. I wouldn't advise going to her without him right there. All that will say to her is you're on your own and he wants no part of the situation so she won't think she has to change anything. Oh and him harassing you about the baby's last name, that is exactly none of his family's business and he should not have done that to you. Especially upsetting you over that so close to the end of your pregnancy. I agree with you on that.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:27 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • I have to admit....if it was my mom, she'd be doing it on purpose, meaning she doesn't do something and later say 'oh, I didn't realize that''s what I think...if you don't want to start anything then don't worry about it and the next holiday, get your son (the one that gets a plain shirt) that says something on it...from you and your fiance...and maybe get your other son something cute with no words and then mix and match them together. IF you don't want this to go on for eternity then just have a conversation with her about the shirts...if it bugs you this much TALK TO HER! It took me forever to do that with my mom...once I did (and I still have to) then things got better.

    Answer by newmom2bgtwins at 12:35 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • she may feel its not her place to buy your son something that says dad because of the situation, and hes a boy so he she may feel hes too old for a mama's boy shirt. but honestly i think you are over reacting, she doesnt HAVE to get your one son anything because its not her grandson.

    as far as the name goes.. if you are going to get married you'll have your fiancees name so i really don't get that, but to each their own i guess. if other sons father isnt in the picture has your fiancee considered adoption so you all share the same last name?

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:45 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. If you don't like the shirts, don't let them wear them. Just put them away until they are outgrown and then get rid of them. If your SO won't talk to her about it, I wouldn't either, and just put the shirts away when you get them or exchange them for something else that you like better if you still have the tags on them.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:13 AM on May. 28, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.