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He doesn't seem to care

I told my SO I have been feeling depressed and unloved by him...I of course text-ed all this because he is at his ex...they were supposed to do a yard sale but she's sick...well 2 hrs. later he's still there...i have his DD..he took his DS...i asked if he still loved me because i don;t feel like he does. He's been rather distant and unaffectionate the last week or so..he just responds yes and then I told him why I felt like this and how he is over there still and doesn't need to be...he just responds I'm watching toy story 3 then says no..toy story 2...i text-ed him back telling him ...I don't give a fuck what he's watching and if he's going to not even act like he cares then whatever..then after no response text ed him saying he's an asshole and how when he tells me hes depressed i try and make him feel better and when I say I'm depressed he makes me feel worse...he told me to chill he would be leaving in a bit...yeah that's what he said 2 hrs. ago...he's usually really caring and affectionate so I'm not sure what's going on...is it just something i should let go and move past? is it a guy thing?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on May. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • firstly, calm down hehe, have a drink :-) you both sound a little emotionally unhealthy...you sound insecure and like your smothering him and sorta swarming over him like he is a child, but in many cases like that it is the other person in the relationship that pushed that...they become distant, cut off affection, act odd etc. and it causes the other one to feel more and more insecure. That constant texting and asking , saying do you love me etc etc...that stuff pushes people away. If he wanted to be affectionate, he would be...if you push for it, he wont do it. Calmly let him know this is how I feel and how I am perceiving things, Do not say you did this, you dont do that..that is confrontation. Just say I feel like this because of X and Y. Then let him come to you and give his opinion if he wants to. If he does not respond to it at all and just says fuck it, then you gotta decide if youcan live with that.
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:23 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • have you ever heard of borderline personality disorder? might want to look into it.
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:24 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • omg your right...thanks...it;s sooo much easier to say that to other people..which i have,but when it's me inthe situation I didn;t see it..thank you...I'll leave it be..i have told him how i feel and why...I need to stop being clingy..which i dind;t see i was being..it;s just hard when he goes from all affectioniate to nothing...i will just let it be...thank you again!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:28 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • no i said the second cause my husband has borderline personality disorder, ive been learning a lot lately on how to deal with it. i think the skills learned in dealing with bpd ppl can be applied to lots of relationships. i should of been clear about that.

    having a bpd hubby is all about me learning to calm situations, diffuse everything, take the brunt of things, validating all of his emotions even if they are incorrect and reassuring him of positive things without directly saying your wrong tc etc...its a different way of communicating and some of it can help any relationship. if i can stop arguments and issues with a BPD person with these tactics...anyone without bpd could be calmed. and cuting off affection for no reason for some time is a common thing with BPD ppl
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:33 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • ehh i realize now you were thinking that I was saying you had bpd..sorry lol.

    i used to act exactly how you do with my hubby...because his mood swings etc. made me feel insecure and i felt like my love was not validated by him or even appreciated...it sorta grinded me down till i broke and when that happened i started smothering, i was insecure, i had to know everything, i was snooping...etc...im sure i was worse than you are lol.

    it was when i started learning more and more about BPD ppl, hwo t odeal with them, how to take things, hwo they perceive things etc. that I started realizing I was becoming codependent and it was unhealthy for me and for us etc.
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:36 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • I think alot of it has to do with the fact that the 2 other times i fell in love with someone they broke my heart and didn;t really love me...i ws with my ex for 5 yrs. i wasn't in love with him,but he loved me..so when i feel like this i need his reassurence and when I don;t get it the way i would like when I get a simple yes and not a of course I still love you...or whatever it kinda makes me more upset like he's just saying it. idk
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:38 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • I will have to look in to that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:40 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • okay that's scary it actually sounds like me not really him at all. guess maybe i should look into talking to a professional and see what they have to say.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:43 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • we all have our moments in life of insecurity. trust me I have had mine, hell I have done things I am ashamed of. dont beat yourself up.

    you were hurt in the past....it is very common that in relationships the other person has to pay the price for previous lovers that hurt them. my hubby was married once before me, divorced after 4 months...she was cheating and lying to him and put him in debt for her school loans. his mother abandoned him at a young age thus he had abandonment/trust issues. I had to pay the price for all of them, he had deep trust issues that I had to work through. Its not always fair,but that is what youdo when you love someone.

    does he know you were hurt in the past? might make a difference if he knew you were hurt and that it scarred you a little
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:47 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • I have to disagree. I am hardcore borderline and it would be a cold day in hell before I treat someone like that. I think people use "disabilities" as an excuse for their SO's behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on May. 28, 2011

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