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Its MY life, MY business... she SHOULDNT be mad- Should she?

My mother is my best friend... She knows all my passwords to ALL my accounts, emails, and what not. She is the emergency contact for anything involving my children...

Yesterday I tried sending her an email from a new email account that I had made a while back, and it didnt go through. She then told me to give her my password. Dh and I have a private life.. we were looking into the whole swingers club scene, and doing web cam... Well I get sent emails from those companies from time to time, and I BARELY check my email account. I didnt want to give my mother my password bc OBVIOUSLY I dont want her to know my sexual business... ! She got soooo pissed at me bc I wouldnt give her my password... I know I USUALLY give her my info, but for once in my life, can I have something to myself? I used the excuse that I had ordered a gift for her online and that they sent me a confirmation number and I didnt want her to see that email.. I told her she ruined the surprise like always bc she is so nosey.. Of course I was joiking with her, but then she went on and yelled at me and said "Im nosey??!! Im nosey??!! When you fall on your ass, who is there picking you up?? ME!!? BUt Im nosey??!!" I mean sheSTILL threw a fit!!!  I mean I am 25 years old!! Does she have ANY right to get mad at me??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on May. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You've set the expectation. You've given her full access to your life. I would definitely be creating some space between my life and my mother. She'll get over it, and you need to quit giving her every little detail.

    Answer by meooma at 10:59 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • No, not at all. You need to show your mother that you have to have privacy boundaries and that's that...

    Answer by aishanabuaisha at 11:00 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • OMG, you have to understand why it's making her mad. You always give her what she wants and now you won't. She will get over it but she is mad and rightfully so. She's used to you giving her that stuff, you know?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • My mother is my best friend too. First, you never stop being a mother. I still get lectures and I'm 45. BUT I would NEVER give my mother my passwords or anything and I'm not into anything like that. We each deserve to have a private life. It sounds like she is still trying to control you. I would calmly explain to her that you need to have some privacy. Tell her that she did a great job raising you and that there is nothing to worry about, so you can handle things on your own with just a tinge of advice when you ask for it.

    Answer by attap5 at 11:01 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • Yes, you have a right to privacy. No, you shouldn't give her the password to anything, actually. She is going to take offense to this because you have allowed her to know your business. You want to keep a new email account private? Then don't send her an email from that account. Don't even mention it. She's going to get over it but for pete's sake: keep some stuff to yourself.

    Answer by BryRon at 11:02 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • in my opinion, no she has no right to be mad.

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 11:07 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • You are the one that has put it out there.... giving her access to all of your business, what do you expect? Your husband is ok with her knowing all? SOunds like you and your mom are a little too close.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 11:10 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • To be honest I find it VERY VERY odd for a grown married woman to have given her mother ALL her passwords.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • ODD? I have nothing to hide.. I know my mothers account info as well, and I know how much she has in her bank account as well.. we are an open family... i mean, we are family...

    But now.. I am trying to have a piece of my life to myself..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 AM on May. 28, 2011

  • She has no right to be mad, but you have set up her expectation of getting whatever information she wants from you, no matter how private. My mother is one of my best friends, definitely. However, she doesn't have any of my passwords. I have nothing to hide from her, but I am an adult and there is no need for her to have that information. She is an emergency contact for my kids, as well - again, she doesn't need my passwords for that. You are a grown adult - family or not, open or not, you need to set boundaries of privacy. And if you aren't willing to do that, then you have 2 choices: (1) deal with her getting mad when you attempt to set a boundary that will seem arbitrary to her, or (2) learn to keep things truly private if you want privacy. Meaning don't send her an email from an account if you don't want her to have the password. Although she's overreacting, I think you bear a large portion of responsibility here, too.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:38 PM on May. 28, 2011

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