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3 Bumps

A rut, post partum body, or something else?

i just had our 6th child. the last few months of pregnancy i was on complete bedrest so no sex allowed. at which point, my SO pulled back on affection and physical contact of any sort. baby came a month early thru emergency c section, 15 staples and infected incision, drainage and new baby later, he still wont come near me. i have to beg for a hug or a kiss, and when i get them, they are perfunctory and empty. it is impossible to discuss things like this with him and its making me feel worse n worse. its summer and as hot and muggy as it is, i wear a sweatshirt and baggy pants all the time, i wont shower with him and i wont change in the same room as him anymore either. he is my better half and the reason i am who i am. i love him so much, its taken me forever to feel ive finally got it right, and i know he loves me, but maybe he just isnt in love w me nemore? idk what to do! plz. any ideas would be appreciated!!

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hnaused2010

Asked by hnaused2010 at 12:09 PM on May. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (211 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • I can feel for you. My second child was born through a c-section which later became infected. For about 12 weeks, my husband had to clean and pack the incision with gauze; at least twice a day. It was gross and obviously, sex was out of the question. It took a while for us to get back on track after that but what helped was open and honest communication. Let him know how you feel without blaming him. Hopefully he can do the same. It is something that has to be addressed or your marriage will suffer. With six kids, I am sure you guys don't want that to happen!

    SDJenn

    Answer by SDJenn at 12:21 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • Whoa honey, take a breath! Six kids can be a lot to handle especially for a man. I doubt it's a love thing. He might just be scared that he's going to hurt you if he puts the moves on or he may have gotten so used to giving you space that he's just unsure how to get close to you again. An emergency c section would scare the crap out my hubby for sure so it could just be taking time to process that you and baby are okay. Of course your body has changed but you have six kids. It takes a full two years for your body to recover from one pregnancy so depending on how close together you were pregnant it may take longer. It can be hard to talk about but you should be able to talk about the hard stuff with your dh. As life goes on couples change and go through lulls in the sex department. Get more comfortable with your body so he can too and physical intimacy will pick up. ;)
    tattooedmama126

    Answer by tattooedmama126 at 12:51 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • there is no getting comfortable with this lol. i myself feel cheated by the c section, but conditions came down to where it was surgery or risk one or both of our lives. the surgery won. physically, i dont look much different now than after the birth of my four, except the incision. which thankfully has mostly healed already. there is a drain hole almost dead center, which refuses to heal and oozes abdominal fluid, which is gross as all h*ll. im not even really worried about the sex, we havent been cleared by the doc for that yet. but just a hug would make my days more bearable with the stress of runnin and keeping everything going and making sure houseis clean and laundry is kept up and all...a hug and a smile makes it feel like its worthwhile...avoidance, i might as well be hired help
    hnaused2010

    Comment by hnaused2010 (original poster) at 2:24 PM on May. 28, 2011

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