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My worst nightmare has come true

I've been in a troubled & volatile relationship with my child's father for the past 4 yrs. Up until 5 months ago I tried very hard to make my relationship with him work, but i still was holding on to resentment because throughout the relationship we often physically & verbally fought, mostly because we didn't see eye to eye on things & he is very verbally abusive. he's a good father, but sometimes he says evil things that have me feeling so bad i cant get out of bed. Anyway, about 5 months ago, i came into my bedroom where my boyfriend was sleeping and i tried to cuddle up next to him and hold him...he got mad and told me to go away. I am very used to this kind of treatment because he's always been a grouchy, unaffectionate person toward me but something just snapped in my mind and I just couldn't take the disconnect between us anymore so texted my friend who i've known longer than my boyfriend. I've know this friend about a year before i met my boyfriend and i always knew he had a crush on me (& he always knew i had a bf) but i was never attracted to him & we never hung out alone together it was always with other people. we would send texts to each other every blue moon but that was it. my bf knew about this friend & that he had a crush on me but he never told me i couldnt talk to him bc i told him i didn't like him "like that". so to get to the point, from that night when i texted him, 5 months ago, we have been talking much more & getting closer and eventually started messing around. by bf did find out that i went out w him alone 3 months ago & got really angry but said he still wanted to stay together but not live together anymore.he moved out. howver, he called my friend & threatened him to never talk to me again & kept harrassing him on the phone for 2 days. i told him i wouldn't talk to my friend anymore, but i didnt stop bc my feelings for him were too strong at this point yet i still didn't want to lose my bf either. it took awhile for my friend to start talkin to me again & when he did he said he would be angry if i stayed with my bf because of the way he harrassed him on the phone, & said he would eventually forgive me if i went back to him but his feelings for would never be the same. out of fear of losing him, i lied and told him my bf and i were broken up. yesterday, my bf hacked into my cell phone acct & discovered that i have still been talking to my friend. he came over and started screaming at me that it was over, calling me a slut, said i was nothing but trash and for me to just go kill myself & that he does not give a damn about me anymore. then, he starts calling my friend AGAIN & leaving harassing messages on his phone. & found out through another friend that he changed his number (which i don't blame him) & he told this other friend not to give me the new number & that he was totally done. he was always so nice to me & never disrespected me the way my bf did. I've lost both men now. i know my relationship with my ex was unhealthy and i think i was just looking for an escape. but it came at a huge price and now i've lost both men. I feel so alone and unsure about what will happen from this point. I know my ex is done with me, but i'm not sure if i should even try pursuing anything with him because of the way he treats me. i need some good advice. please dont judge me, i know the decisions i've made were wrong, i lied to both guys and made myself look very bad..i feel horrible. i cried all night lastnight & almost contemplated suicide. i dont have many people in my life to talk to, my bf was the main person i told everything to. please help me without judgement.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on May. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • This is called a hard life lesson. You screwed up, now you have to deal with the consequences. If I were in your shoes I'd just concentrate on me and my child. Everyone else should be secondary to the two of you. Get yourself back on your feet, get stable and just be there for your child.

    And no way in HELL should you go back to, or accept back into your life, that asshole of a man that is your child's father. You deserve WAY better than that!

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:03 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I say good riddance to the old boyfriend. He was nothing but a controlling, abusive, contemptable person and you deserve much better than that! It doesn't sound like he loves you or really cares about you in any small way, so let him go. Same for the other guy. Let him go, too, and move on with your life. Instead of thinking about your next man, how about taking some time to think about yourself & your child? Do some things that make you happy, hang out with your child, visit your friends, go to work, fix up your home, etc. Just stuff for you. When you are happy & content with yourself, people will notice and those who really like you & care about you will gravitate toward you. You'll attract a better class of guy, too, but it can't happen until you take care of yourself first.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 1:07 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • stop feeling like you need a man and letting your insecurities dictate you. stand up for yourself, your child is your rock, not any boyfriend. your child is yoru reason for living, your child is what makes you push in life, not any man. find your inner strength and do it on your own for awhile.

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:13 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I agree with all the above answers I think you should not think of any men at this time. Your child and you are prioity now. You should move on and get up on your own two feet. You have one child its not hard as if you had 3 or 4, and even so there are many single mothers out there that make it on their own. First things first, and the man that is going to be "The One" will come on his own, don't go chasing after men that are worthless or searching all over for somone to make you happy. Remember you will not find happiness in a man, your the only one that can make yourself happy and your child. And that boyfriend you had is worthless, you deserve better and stop thinking about him..Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing-

    Answer by babysavy9 at 1:59 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • - Meaning You have to give yourself some self respect and value, YOU and only you, for who you are.
    You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your own love and affection. The rest comes on its own at the proper timing.

    Answer by babysavy9 at 2:01 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • thank you for your replies, they are very helpful.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:17 PM on May. 28, 2011

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