Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Summer job

I was wondering what some of you would advise if this were your daughter. She just finished her first yr of college, is 19 and living at home of course for the summer. We have curfews and rules and she is abiding by them no problem. She wants to be a nurse and is working for the 2nd summer at a Assisted Living home in our community as a nursing assistant. This home is having major problems keeping help and is currently quite short of help. This summer is worse than ever. She is being scheduled for almost every week-end. She was willing to work 1st and 2nd shifts, but did not want the 3rd shift. Now she is being scheduled for the 3rd shift along with the other two. She is a very good worker and has gotten excellent reviews. She came home a bit ago and of course is working all week-end, however had Memorial Day off, now she is scheduled for Monday also. She is quite upset and depressed about it all. She has tried talking to the Director who says she will work on it, but so far nothing has changed, it has actually gotten worse.

If this were your daughter what would you advise her to do? She really needs to work and there are not many jobs in this area. On the other hand she does want to have some fun this summer. Most of her high school friends are loafers and partiers and they all have week-ends off. So she never sees them, which personally I am happy about, but a 19 yr old isn't too happy never spending time with her bf nor friends. Thoughts on if you would get involved, leave it totally up to her, let her quit? etc.....

Answer Question

Asked by sherlee at 5:00 PM on May. 28, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (-26 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would do exactly what my father did...not feed into the "this sucks, I can't do it, I don't have a social life" talk, and keep telling her "Being young and getting ahead takes sacrifices. You are young enough to keep up. You can't quit one job without having another lined up," etc.

    My father worked days as a police officer and nights as a coroner for YEARS. My mother worked full time as an accountant from home for additional income, and would do tax preparation seasonally as well. We all started working in high school, and had more than one job when we were in college or starting out in life. I think it is part of paying your dues, and I am DAMN thankful for the character and work ethic it built in me. Did it stink at the time?! Oh yeah. But it still showed me what I was capable of and etched in my mind that hard work pays off...and if you want harder for it.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:16 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • Oh, and remind her that this experience will help her land her first nursing job.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:28 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I'd remind her that it sucks, but she has a job and they are giving her hours that she shouldn't turn down because she'll want the money to spend during the school year. She can look for another job, but don't quit the one she has.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 6:56 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • Such is life ... it's a good lesson to learn now and it should serve her well in the future. She's still quite young and full of energy and she'll make time for the things that are important to her.

    It's hard to have sympathy because we all worked through high school and college (full time hours for both) and had to give up sleep and friends time and do homework at 3 am. Even in our adult lives, we are still dealing with these types of issues. DH is a police sergeant ... works days, nights, weekends, holidays, often goes 6-8 weeks without a day off! Still has to find time for sleep, family, other responsibilities. I worked at a profession for years that required long hours and travel, all while going to school on an accelerated program, raising a family, and being married to that police sergeant mentioned above. I'd leave the decision up to her BUT I'd enforce the idea of "suck it up and deal w/it."

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 8:43 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • Remind her that she wont be able to pick the shifts when she is a nurse also. She will be on the ground floor running in nursing also. They work long hours and sometimes doubles if no one comes in. It will help her realize that to get ahead comes with sacifrice.

    Answer by looneymom424 at 10:46 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • If she is not happy there, and she is over 18, then she should quit. Even mature adults quit jobs where they are unhappy. Forcing anyone to keep any job is like being a slave to me.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 10:50 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • obviously your daughter is looking to you for sound advice and it seems you have heard her complaints. Remember as women we vent....and most of the time your child does not want you to fix her problems or intervene at this age. I learned that with my DD 21 yr old and I refrain from doing more than thinking of ways for her to persue and conquer. If my daughter vented these frustrations and I sensed she was torn between work (a must) and friends (a want) I would tell my child to ask for one weekend a month off and make sure she stops with at least 7 days between the last day of work and leaving for college. That way she would have a good mental rest and then some time to look forward to with friends at a pool, lake, river, whatever would relax her. At 19 she is not needing the iron hand, but more the helpful hand. You have done a great job because she sounds like a joy. Support her emotionally and enjoy time with her.

    Answer by ClaudiaJ at 6:54 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • I'd leave it up to her. If she needs the money and thinks she will not be able to find another job then she should keep it. If it's just extra dough or there are other jobs she could get then I'd not be concerned. It's time for her to make her own decisions anyway.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 4:11 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • some times in life jobs suck.. I've had them.. and I worked through them.. I was married with two kids and a house to help support.. in a lousy work situation.. and I hated every minute of it. but it was a learning opportunity.. I not only learned about the work I was doing.. I learned some major lessons about people.
    I always believed in you don't leave one job until you have another... I stressed that with my kids.. and my daughter has lived that life. she isn't happy where she is right now.. but the money is good and she knows that this too shall pass..
    "this too shall pass" has gotten me through many times when things were rough.

    I do agree that they should schedule 1 weekend a month.. that is what my DD had to demand.. they are short handed and she had been working every weekend and missing family events.. so.. she said she needed time to be with family and friends.. & they agreed.

    Answer by momkelly2 at 4:01 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • You know what? I have a 19 yo daughter and we've gone through this same conversation. I had to tell her that the number one most important thing is her future. Also, she has to work...when we are adults our work comes FIRST over friends, parties, shopping, movies...that's all fun and everything but....hey, this is real life !!!! Keep your job and stick with what they give you because it's all you have. If you quit, you have nothing and may not be so lucky to have a job at all and wont' have any money. She needs you to help keep her going. We would ALL like to have the perfect job with perfect weekends off etc in life but.....that's just not how it is. You know that. So help her to make an adult decision and to stick with her job. Friends will still be there when she does get a weekend off. Goood Luck !!!

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 2:00 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.