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He make excuse not to see my son coz of me

im confuse, i dont know what i need to do?
my son needs a dad but my ex told me to stay back ..i dont know what does it means..
he told me, he cant handle my moods but i think im reasonable with this...he never call or even see my boy & if ask him or call him he will say he will do, i will promise my boy that he will see his dad but after a week he will just send message i cant do it coz he is busy.
& i will start to feel upset....i will never stop texting him until i feel ok...i know its also my fault but my reaction is toward his broken promise to my boy who is waiting for him the whole week.

one day, he said his coming at3pm .. i get my boy ready & suddenly 15 mins. before 4pm he just send message he is not coming...i got crazy of that situation specially i saw my son crying & so disappointed...& when i said a txt why he do that, he just simply say he is busy & stop sending him message, he will call when he is free.

i talked to him, beg him, ask him in a mature way just to see my son...name it i did it!
he never stop blaming about my reaction when he upset me or my boy.
he said he wants to see our boy but if he start to think that if one day he will break again his promise i will be crazy again...so as he said he decided to stop seeing our boy coz of me...
as far as i know i just acted in the situation he puts me...
im not saint or martir that will just say yes its fine , while in fact its not.

the last time we talked he said, he will see again my boy if he saw that everything between the 2 of us is close...i felt so mad after all the things he did to me, he have the guts to say that...not to mention he cheated me when i was away, i forgive him,
he marry a his 2nd wife same nationality as he (arab, muslim) i forgive him still....
when his 2nd wife away he said he still loves me, i believe again...when his 2nd wife cames back he forgot us....he disappear & if i text him how we missed him, he ignore us & tell me what crazy thing im doing, 2nd wife can smell something.
(his afraid to his wife coz his wife might tell his parents .... he married that lady coz his parents choose that...they dont like me coz im christian & not arab)

for all of the things he did to me, i still let him see my boy & gave the whole right as father but he is taking it or granted.

i start to hate him but i feel so bad, coz i feel like im thorn between them....my boy asking his dad to be with him...his dad telling me to STAY BACK & when he feel that between the 2 of us is ok thats the time he will see his son...for me, i want to move on & not see him anymore.

in ur opinion,
i dont have the right to be upset everytime he will not call while he promised he will or cancel to see my son in the last minute?
is it my fault why he dont see my boy?
why is the best thing to do?
i dont want my boy blame me that coz of me he dont see his dad.
how do i need to react everytime he will blame me for not seeing my son?

im thinking that i will let him away until me & my son forget him
but i want when we are done moving on, i will not let him see my boy anymore.
is it right to my boy not to see his dad anymore, until he understand the whole situation?
& what if his hard headed dad blame me again & tell my son one day , he wants to see him but i dont allow him, will it be my mistake again?!!!

please tell me what to do?!



Answer Question
 
inda21

Asked by inda21 at 6:01 PM on May. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You made the effort now move on. Your son will figure out that he's the asshole. You are not doing him any good by getting his hopes up and then letting him down.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 6:09 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • He is using you as an excuse as to why he does not see his son. That does not mean it is your fault. It sounds like he is jerking you around because he knows he still has that control. You can't force him to see his son. You need to focus on you and your son and not worry about him. I would not contact him anymore.
    My stbxh talks bigs stated many times starting a year ago when the separation started that he wanted us to co parent and be apart of our daughters life but has made little to no effort. When I have tried to communicate with him he turns things around that are about his child and makes it about himself. yells, screams and I am done dealing with him.
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 6:11 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • If your ex doesn't want to see him then it is his loss. If your son needs a father figure in his life, let him spend some time with a grandpa or uncle....someone who can do "dad things" with him. I wouldn't even mention your ex in front of your son so that it doesn't cause him to get upset all over again. He has you and that will mean the world to him later on in life!
    cmgIII

    Answer by cmgIII at 6:14 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • Walk and keep walking. You've done more than enough. Make him be the one to make an effort. You are strong enough to get through this and that baby won't blame you.
    Audrice1985

    Answer by Audrice1985 at 6:18 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • First: do not tell your son his father is coming. Let it be a surprise whenever Dad shows up; this way he is not heartbroken when Dad fails to show.

    Second: if he cared about seeing your son, it wouldn't matter what you did or didn't do, he'd see the boy. Even if you did do crazy, annoying, ridiculous things, a parent who loves and wants to see his child makes it happen.

    Third: Do not prevent Dad from seeing your son, but stop trying to force it either. Let him come to you when he wants to see your son, and if/when that happens, allow him to see him. But don't call or e-mail or anything else asking him to come see your son. Leave the responsibility for this squarely where it belongs: on Dad's shoulders. When Dad fails to be a part of your little boy's life, you will not need to feel guilty and your son will know who's at fault.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:19 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • thank u so much for the advice, i was crying here but relieve at the same time....u dont know what ur words means to me now.

    GOD bless
    emmyandlisa
    kyliesmom5
    cmgIII
    audrice1985
    wendythewriter
    inda21

    Comment by inda21 (original poster) at 6:36 PM on May. 28, 2011

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