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How would feel if your mom said this to you? Would let her see your child?

Well when I first found out I was pregnant I waited until my first prenatal checkup to tell anyone. I was already out of my mom's house, graduated HS and college, so didn't think it would be an issue to my mom and I wanted her to hear it from mem I was expecting. I called her and she told me I was stupid for getting pregnant and not using protection. She also sais she's not claiming my son and basically trying to say I should get an abortion. I can't believe she said this when I've always been a good child and been taking care myself since I was 12 yrs old because her boyfriends were always her priority. Well recently she's had a change of heart and wants to see me and my son. I'm torn at making that happen. What would you do? How would you feel?

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NuMommy87

Asked by NuMommy87 at 12:29 AM on Dec. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I do believe in forgiveness...but I also believe in caution.

    Agree to see her on YOUR terms. And keep things on YOUR terms.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:31 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • While I was not in that particular situation, my mother and I have out issues. What I finally ended up doing was refusing to take her to my mothers house, or call my mother, or let my mother take her anywhere, but she is more than welcome to come and see us. It ends up only being MAYBE once a month, usually once every 2 months that she comes, and I can tolerate that much.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 12:32 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • My husbands partents did this to us when we where living with them and we found out we where pregnant with our son. It took me over a year to even let them see him for more than 10-15min. My son is 2 now and I still am mad at my husbands parents for this. I say let her see him. You can forgive but you don't have to forget.
    BubblesB

    Answer by BubblesB at 12:33 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • This sounds very close to my situation but it was my father and it wasnt his girlfriends but his family and friends because I was so young. I forgave my father for this and now he cannot live without my daughter. Sometimes we all say things that are stupid and foolish but if someone really has a change of heart and wants to make peace I would do it. I love my father and everything has been forgotten. Its your mother, so I would give her another chance. Good Luck!!
    MaiasMommy619

    Answer by MaiasMommy619 at 12:37 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Moms usually want better for their daughters and so they expect more than the life they chose for themselves. If she wants to be a grandma and you are open to forgive her words, there is nothing better than family.
    Avon_Calling

    Answer by Avon_Calling at 12:49 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • You can let her see your son and forgive her, but make sure you express to her how much she hurt you and abandoned you when you needed her the MOST. If she is not remorseful about the situation, I would not expect her to be a model grandparent either. Don't set yourself up to be hurt again. I'd be cautious.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:34 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • I agree with poster 1. When me and my DH first got together we knew we would be getting married, we found out a few months into dating that we were pregnant. Naturally we got married, but we were going too before we found out about the baby. Well, my DH called his BD (who was never really in his life) and told him that we were getting married. His dad said "why would you do such a stupid thing! Think about it before you get married!" and trashed on us for getting married. Then he said "well! Just don't get really stupid and get her pregnant!!" and my DH said "Well, thats what they say- the baby is due in August!!" and hung up on him.
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 3:15 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Cont.
    We didn't talk to him for about a year and a half. It was after the birth of our second baby that he wanted to know about the kids. It took some warming up- but he loves being around them now. Its still our terms, and I wouldn't leave them alone with him (trust issue). But I am glad that my children know him.
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 3:15 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • my mother and i just made up after two years of not speaking to each other. she was unsupportive thru my pregnancy and my daughter's first 14 months of life. its a very tough decision that u will have to make. i asked myself this. if she now wants to see my daughter, and i tell her no, absolutely not, will i be able to look at my daughter and be okay with the decision that i took away her right to have a grandmother? so i let her see her...it's been 3 weeks now. we haven't solved anything, but things dont get solved over night.

    Fanta-Mommy

    Answer by Fanta-Mommy at 4:27 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • CONT
    I try not to let my bitterness over how she treated my child and I to interfere, it's hard. you have to be a big person and have forgiveness in your heart. but what i suggest u two do is talk...without ur son, a few times. I wish I would have done that, gotten over our issues before having her meet my daughter. it's less stress on you. helps you build trust in her. b/c im sure either u dont trust her or u have little trust in her. and you're going to need that if u wanna feel comfortable with her seeing ur son, even if it's alone. OK IM DONE, SORRY SO LONG, BUT IVE BEEN THERE :-)
    Fanta-Mommy

    Answer by Fanta-Mommy at 4:28 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

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