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Different disciplining ideas

How do you handle discipline issues when you were raised differently? I was raised actually being punished by my parents. We would get put in the corner, kneeling down for like 30 minutes when we got into trouble. DH was raised with nothing like that at all. They'd get yelled at...but that's about it. He never knew what it meant to be grounded or have things taken away from you when you got into trouble. When I try and do something like that with DD, he tells me I'm taking it too far and will unground her or undo whatever punishment I hand out. He very nearly wanted to slap me when I put her in the corner because she was talking back to me. How do I get him to understand, just because he wasn't raised that way, doesn't mean it's wrong?

 
jalvarez626

Asked by jalvarez626 at 9:31 PM on May. 28, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 10 (489 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • Yikes! What ever you end up doing you have to be on the same page! He shouldnt undermine you especially in front of DD. If I were you I would sit down with DH and come up with some house rules and consequences for breaking them. Time out never killed anyone! My kids stand in the corner with their noses on the wall for how ever min. We have also grounded the older two from different things.so what is would your hubby do if she back talks him? She isnt learning respect if she is allowed to run about with no discipline.
    mom23ks

    Answer by mom23ks at 9:53 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • My husband and I were raised on absolute opposite ends of things. However our own parenting ideas are vert similar on how we discipline our daughter, she is almost 4, there have been a few differences so far we have come up against, minor but still different, and I am sure as she gets older there will be more, and thats just life. The most important thing is communicate about it, talk about it but NEVER in front of the children, to me its important that my daughter sees us on the same page about things like this, so there is no one against the other and its only 1 set of rules, not a Daddy set and a Mama set. I think if you two have completely different ideas you really need to sit down and discuss it at lenght and see what you both agree on for YOUR family, dont worry about what your family did and what his did, this is your family and you need to focus on what will work with your family to have you both on the same page, GL!
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 9:49 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • so far, my son is 18month, we do time outs. 90 seconds in time out. He knows what time out is, he listens, and we also started them when he was 11mos, where we would then give him 30sec time outs just to teach him.

    We have collaborated and thought that was best and not too extreme. We disregard what our families did because we feel they were both wrong. My mom used to beat the shit out of me, and I never really did anything, I was always just really quiet and she would beat me for no reason, all of my family attests to that being true. And his mom wasn't really there and he would get those long time outs in the corner when she was.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 9:54 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • For starters, this is something you should have discussed before marriage.
    Because we discussed these things before marriage, my husband and I are on the same page. Our discipline strategy has nothing to do with what we were raised with... or very little to do with it. We took some from it, left some of it. We are anti - spanking, we do not use time outs, we use only positive/gentle discipline and natural consequences. I think making your child kneel in a corner for thirty minutes is extreme. However, that is your choice - but they are your husband's children too so his voice should count just as much as yours.
    AutymsMommy

    Answer by AutymsMommy at 11:23 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • My husband and I were raised completely different. We discussed children before marriage but the reality of a child 4 years later was very different. We have learned to compromise and listen to each other. Not always easy but that is how marriage is. My son knows mom and dad are united so if I say no to something dad will say no too. We back each other up and if we do disagree we will discuss it away from our son.

    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 12:21 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • something needs to come from just you and the husband that you can agree on something you will both agree on and confortable with
    barrerajuls

    Answer by barrerajuls at 12:48 PM on May. 29, 2011

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