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Spouse before kids?

I have seen several people say that their spouse becomes before their kids. A number of people make a list of priorities. God, Spouse, self then kids. Are you one that does this? I am having a very hard time understanding why people put their spouse before their kids or even their self before their kids. My kids are number one on my list. I am usually last. So any input on understanding why would be appreciated.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:47 PM on May. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • The reasoning I heard about doing this was that happy couple makes happy kids and basically it's just a way to keep the family together by making sure mom and dad stay connected and the family intact. For me though, my kids come first. DH and I fit in our couple time when and where we can but we know for us, kids first.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:53 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • for me its GOD, husband- parents putting eachother first then kids. Happy parents equal happy children. This doesnt mean children are neglected!! Never, I think people take this too far as in the children are not loved or taken care of thats not true at all, we are all priority as a family, and at different times different people will be first priority in different situations.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 9:54 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I dont get what message that ends to the kids with Dad being on the bottom of the totom pole, arent Mom and Dad meant to be equals?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • Spouse comes before kids because without a solid foundation,the house will fall

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:07 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I think it depends on the situation.

    If you were with your spouse before kids, then I agree that the spouse should come before the kids, especially if you wish to have a long and happy marriage. Like another lady said, this doesn't mean you are neglecting your children. (This is, as long as the father is not abusive and is a loving, caring, compassionate mate and father.)

    But, if something happened to the father of those kids (death, divorce, w/e), and you were to find a new spouse, most certainly your kids should come before that new spouse, at least until everything is settled and you've become a family.

    You will have your husband before you have kids, and you will have him long after the kids are gone. You need to care and nourish the relationship all along or when the kids are gone, you'll have nothing that remained because the relationship is gone.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 10:47 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • for me it's god, kids, spouse, parents, siblings
    idk how ppl can put themselves before their children, it seems really wrong and neglectful in my opinion

    Answer by brookemhowell at 9:48 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I'm right there with you. I always see to my kiddos before I worry about me. I expect my husband to help out and do the same. You do have to make sure you take time for yourself though because if you get your breaks and are happy then everyone in the family will be more happy. :0)

    Answer by tools4mom at 9:49 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I refuse to prioritize that way. I consider whose needs are most important at the time, not some pecking order. My daughter has lots of needs being a 3.5 yo, but I consider my marriage to be valuable, too. I have work and friends outside the home that also need attention. Each person in our family is important, including myself, and I want us all to be happy.

    Our world doesn't revolve around my daughter; it revolves around our family as a whole.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 10:02 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • If I had to guess, one possibility could be because those individuals absolutely need that reassurance and feeling of being wanted by someone. Obviously, their children can't give them those same types of feelings, nor can they give them that particular "special" type of companionship.

    Answer by itsmommalori at 9:50 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • Why is a list needed?

    I love my children as much as love my husband as much as I love God, as much as I love my mother, my siblings, ect.
    I don't measure my love....I just love.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:09 PM on May. 28, 2011