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Do you think this is fair?

We told our 13 yo that depending on her grades(and attitude) that would determine what she does this summer. She had gotten over 20 F's, D-, D+ throughout the year (grades on tests & papers) and now that summer school vacation is here she is squawking that she isn't being signed up for as many sports camps as last year. She was signed up for 5 last year and 2 this year. What would your conversation be about this and would you give in a little? Also, her attitude stunk a lot of the school year.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:08 AM on May. 29, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (29)
  • I think that is fine. I think I would have signed her up for some academic help and for some community service myself. She should be happy she is going those 2 sports camps that she is going to. I'm not sure I would have even been that nice.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 8:11 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • No, You have to stick to your guns. If she wants to do something more this summer, I would think about something educational. If you give in a little, she's going to want to push it further, especially being a teenager. I've raised 3 of them!
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 8:13 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I think you did the correct thing. If she complains too much or doesn't change her attitude tell her you will take those away....and then do it if she does not change. From now until they are an adult....a tug-of-war....not easy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though...they do come back and thank you for being so 'mean' ;) My kids had to teach their friends how to sweep, do laundry, cook.....and they were glad I was a mean mom and made them do those things so they knew how. :)

    PsychicSherry

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 8:17 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • You DD knows that as long as she keeps asking she will get her way. She doesn't know the meaning of "compromise". It will not affect her staying home this summer. She needs time to re-think about working harder on her school work. It seems that your daughter is in control of the "decisions" you make when it comes to her school and vacations.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I absolutely think you did the right thing. She needs to learn there are consequences for her actions.
    MedicMommy

    Answer by MedicMommy at 8:25 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • You mention low grades on papers and tests but what were her FINAL grades for the quarters/semesters? Did she manage to pull it together enough to pass her classes with decent grades or did she fail those as well? I would hope that if she actually failed the classes that she'd be making up for it in summer school.

    If 2 camps is what you agreed to rather than 5 because of the grades/attitude sitation, then stick with it. Don't back down. I personally would supplement with some academic activities as well. Also, if her attitude was a problem, make sure she has lots of responsibilities around the house. I think it's important for teens to keep busy over the summer ... keeps them out of trouble.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 8:26 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I am in the same boat and my dd is going to summer school, I warned her and she didn't care and now that she sees she is going to summer school she isn't happy but maybe next year she will try harder.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 8:34 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I'd be finding ways to work on her As this summer -- Attitude and Academics. Sports are fun, but not that important in the big scheme of things. Refocus her priorities and don't back down, mama!
    SelaCarsen

    Answer by SelaCarsen at 8:40 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • She needs to take a class in study skills, and whatever subjects she failed.

    She can do volunteer work and babysit.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:46 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I wouldn't budge on it. Depending on her personality, I would probably say something along the lines of one of these things -

    You know, since you seem to think that the bare minimum effort is all that anyone needs to put into things, then I'm sure you will understand why we have decided to put the bare minimum effort into your sports camps.

    Or, since you chose to not work on your grades, we have chosen to not send you to as many camps. In everything in life, there are consequences - some are positive, some aren't.

    I would also consider something like using the money you would have spent on summer camps and instead invest it into a program like Sylvan or something where she can get tutoring in the subjects that she did so poorly in. You can explain to her that either a) she needs the help, and this is more important, or b) she doesn't need the help, and maybe next yr she will choose to study, so she has summer off.

    gl
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:47 AM on May. 29, 2011

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