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I have NEVER snooped before...but how do I deal with this now that I've seen it?!

My daughter brought me my dh's phone and asked me to take a picture. I don't even know how to use it because I never have used it before in the two years he has had that phone. Anyway, I pushed what I thought was the menu to try to find the camera and it brought up his text messages and I could see the first few words of each. Among these messages included something from one of his female friends about her being in the shower and "can he help"...which turned out to be a back and forth dialogue between them. Another was with his ex girlfriend that asked if we had our third baby yet...I am due any day, and in this conversation he was asking about her "only wearing that" and could he "peel it off". He was in the shower, so I put it down before I got caught reading...but I am sick to my stomach.

We have been married for a decade and have a family. How could he do that to us and think it is okay?! What do I do? What do I say?!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on May. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • Confront him.

    Answer by gemgem at 11:54 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I'm so sorry, that's hearbreaking. It's not like you will be able to hide how you feel, your hurt and shock is going to be pretty obvious. You might just have to tell him exactly what you've typed. Good luck.

    Answer by meooma at 11:55 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I'd just tell him....honey, ----- brought me your phone to take a pic and I saw the text messages on your phone, could you explain to me why what I saw seems to be more than it should be? Yes, it is HIS phone but it's not off limits. My husband and I have been married almost 3 times as long as you and my computer, his computer, our cell phones and even my purse and his wallet are not off limits to the other. IMO those things are only off limits when someone has something to hide. So, if he didn't want you to see what was on his phone he should have hot the delete button. ((((HUGS)))))) and GL.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • be honest about what happened because if you lie he will throw that in your face when he gets defensive. be honest about what you did and what you saw and ask him to be honest with you about the text messages

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 11:55 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • ~*Wow*~.. hubby and I don't view being completely open with each other as "snooping"... I don't have anything to hide, so my husband can look anytime he wants... and I've looked at his! Only text messages I get are from my brother or hubby... and apparently whoever had my number before me was an older Mexican man, because every so often they think I'm their flipping uncle! Hahaha... or like the text I got thanking me for the pumpkin? They always appologize, no biggie... hubby and I joke about it...

    I don't know what to say, because if I saw that stuff with my hubby.... he'd be gone!

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 11:56 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I would just tell what you have told us. Better to have it out in the open than to let it fester and eat away at you. Good luck.

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:58 AM on May. 29, 2011

  • I wouldn't consider that snooping , he shouldn't have anything to hide from you, I would as you call it do some more snooping and confront him.

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:00 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • hugs im sorry

    I could not imagine what you are going through! Everyone else seems to know but you, sure they are smiling in your face and talking behind your back... reminds me of my husband's cousin, thankfully they finally divorced because she deserved much better than what she got! And the cousin pretends his cheating was all her fault... I sent the ex a letter of support


    Answer by MommaClark3 at 12:01 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • Confront him. You can't ignore it and pretend it will go away. It will just eat at you and stress you out more and you don't need that. Not to mention, you deserve the truth.
    Tell him how you stumbled across it all and then ask him WTF!?
    You need to know if it has only been back and forth banter and nothing more. Even if that's all it was, he has some explaining to do for taking advantage of your trust. How is he contributing to your relationship if he's focusing on these other women?
    I hope he's not doing worse than this, and I hope you will be able to work things out.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 12:02 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • i would confront him about it.. if he takes to guilt and owns up to it suggest counceling and see if you can work through it, if he asks defensive it's best to just back up and send him divorce papers, why? because when a man gets defensive he's hiding more than what you saw. he'll act verbally abusive trying to manipulate it and make it look like it was your fault to try to get himself off the hook. don't take that please, i was in a relationship like that and trust me they only get worse, if he can man up and admit guilt, only then would it be maybe possible to work something out to getthrough something like this. best if luck to you *hugs*

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:06 PM on May. 29, 2011

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