I am 27 yr old female and single mother of 2 children. Im writing this because Im troubled by the fact that im becoming more and more aware of how much I do not fit into my own family. Ive always felt different from them since I was very young, but it seems like its gotten much worse. First of all, I am only referring to my father’s side of the family which lives in the same state as me. My mother committed suicide when I was 3yrs old and all of her family lives in other states, I didn’t meet them until I was 13 but the times I’ve gone to visit them I always felt content however I haven’t seen them in about 5yrs now and we hardly speak on the phone. I have a twin brother and a cousin (on my father’s side of the family) who I get along with great, but everybody else I feel I cannot relate to or really care to have a deep relationship with. I have an older sister and brother who have a different mother as my twin & I, so they are my half siblings. I love my sister. But this half brother of mine (who is 10yrs older than me) molested me from the age of 5 to 8 or 9 when I told my father what he was doing. From then on, I remember my dad’s son not coming to visit for awhile but eventually he started coming around again & my dad started leaving him to babysit me & my twin again. He never touched me again but he was very mean to me when my dad wasn’t there, called me names and just very verbally abusive. This is a huge reason I do not like to (& have not made any efforts to have a real relationship with this side of my family). My half sister, who is his full-sibling, I love very much. I don’t know if she knows what he did to me when I was a kid, everytime on holidays and other get togethers my dad’s son is over there & I just don’t want to be around him or have my daughters around him. I know he did this to me when he was about 16-18 yrs old, but I really don’t think people like that change. Another thing that bothers me about this side of my family is that they are kind of trashy. I went to a graduation party at my sisters house yesterday and it was just another reminder of why I keep my distance from them. I had my 2yr old with me and im so glad I didn’t bring my 11yr old because every other word that came out of their mouths was a curse word. Don’t get me wrong, I cuss on occasion too, but their swearing is on a whole other level. My 17yr old niece who was there was cussin like a sailor & I don’t want my kids exposed to that. Antoher thing I should mention is that about 6 yrs ago, I started seeing a counselor for troubles I needed to deal with and I stopped shortly after the first session, but the counselor I had still was very nice and I continued to call her on occasion when I needed someone to talk to. Eventually, we became very close and now we have had a mother/daughter relationship for the past 4-5 yrs and my daughters and I go visit her on holidays and get-togethers & we are extremely close. Its strange because my “real” family, with exception of my twin & my father actually knows about this woman who I consider to be like a mother to me. It’s kind of like I’m living a double life, because I don’t want the lady who I consider my mother to meet my real family because they are completely opposite of each other. I’m also very uncomfortable about how I came to have this relationship with my mother figure because I used to be her client (& its completely obvious we are not blood related because we are different races)., so when people ask I get embarrassed and usually change the subject or something. I need some advice about this situation. I’ve been dealing with it for many years now, and I guess I’ve been trying to avoid the situation but yesterday when I went to my sister’s house, I realized I couldn’t keep avoiding it anymore. I just want to feel happy and content within a family where I feel I truly belong. the only people i feel 100 percent at ease is with are my 2 daughters. Please help with your advice.
Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on May. 29, 2011 in Relationships
~*Wow*~... long read...
Sorry you feel that way! Secondly, I wouldn't feel guilty about adding someone into your life/family that is a positive! not everyone is blessed to be born into a functional awesome family... so grab onto those positives when/while you have them and chalk them up to life expiriences
Answer by MommaClark3 at 12:07 PM on May. 29, 2011
Answer by Christmaslver68 at 12:10 PM on May. 29, 2011
Answer by nepenthe429 at 12:18 PM on May. 29, 2011
Answer by cueballsmom at 12:24 PM on May. 29, 2011
Answer by Rosehawk at 1:03 PM on May. 29, 2011