Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How would you feel/what do you think.

how would you react if you had a family member who, whenever they moved apartments their old apartment was so dirty they had to rush to get it clean so they wouldn't be charged extra for the complex to clean it.
thats not the whole part, thats understandable, things happen, kids are messy etc.
but what if instead of your family member cleaning it their mom spent two days breaking her back deep cleaning it with nothing in return. no genuine "thank you" no card, no flowers, no "hey let us help you out in exchange" kind of a deal (ie she always needs help in the yard as her husband is disabled)
instead that family member just sat around in their new apartment... not helping at all.
i mean its none of my bussiness, its between them so i obviously keep my mouth shut HOWEVER. in my head im like, "wow this is ridiculous" also, the mom complained to me that "they will beg her to clean it" and im like "just say you wont'" and she DIDNT and then she OFFERED and now she will complain for days about having to clean it.
i mostly needed to vent but what are ya'lls thoughts!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on May. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Your Mom may be a sucker but she's a grownup and it is her choice to do it or not.

    Answer by blackisbetter at 4:28 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • I would stay out of it. The mom is the one that is allowing it to happen.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:29 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • I'd stay away... personally

    Answer by SamJ321 at 4:32 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • You really can't do that much about it. Its the mom who is allowing them to take advantage of her and until she stands up for herself she is just going to continue on being the "people" pleaser of the family. Its hard to watch but I am sure she will come to a point where enough is a enough!!! GL

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 4:38 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • My thoughts are you moms a grown woman and if she wants to clean it thats up to her and youre right, none of your business. You said your peace.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:00 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • Most likely Mom feels bad for his disability and she is overcompensating for it. If she helps over and over again, it turns into enabling which in turn makes them spoiled since they are always expecting her help. Her enabling makes them less humble and they forget what real gratitude is. It is tough to witness this behavior because you're like "Really??? Why do you even help them at all?" If you do talk to anyone about it, make it Mom, her behavior will be easier to address since the couple will most likely get defensive because they feel entitled. They would say something ridiculous like "We never asked for help!" Betcha heard that before right? I am related to TOO many people like that, and I made a firm decision that I love my kids enough to let them fall, because I refuse to enable any of them and that includes my Autistic son. Best to you.

    Answer by Aneya at 5:04 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • yeah ive never said anything about it before, but this time i just said something along the lines of "oh just say this instead" to help her imply to them she didnt want to and she wa slike yeah i did~ and i will~ im not gonna~ and then like four hours later shes like DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU CLEAN~~~ im like "lol ok." but i didnt and haven't said anything. honestly its a good day for me because i have the house to myself with my kids now since shes over there cleaning.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:05 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • @aneya i totally agree!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:06 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • I have an aunt like that- a complete pushover, then she complains when she has to do something for someone! Tell them no already!

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 5:30 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • Depends on who it is. We have some people like this in our family and usually we keep our thoughts to ourselves. But every now and then, like in the case of a son in his 40's taking advantage of his mother who is a widow and on an extremely fixed income, finally something was said. He didn't like it but oh well. Eventually seeing someone sponge off everyone else gets old.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:38 PM on May. 29, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.