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2 Bumps

Mother does not respect my parenting

So today I had an argument with my mother, not sure if I am in the wrong though and if I have a right to be mad, so here goes I need a little advice.

So my son goes to his grandparents every weekend to visit, and they totally do not respect my parenting. My son is almost 5 years old. At night when he is there they let him sleep in their bed. I do not allow this at my home unless he is sick. Also they tell me my son doesn't like to go home because I have rules and that I shouldn't be so strict on him. When he is over all they do is feed him junk food and snacks and stay up until whatever time he chooses. I really feel like if they aren't going to respect my parenting and follow my rules then I feel like I should not send my son there. Also she tells me I am a bad parent because I am not parenting my son the way I was raised. They act like they are the best parents ever and that whatever I do is wrong.

Also I am pregnant and having a c section on Wednesday and she has taken the liberty to invite her friends up the day of the c section to see the baby. This I feel was totally a rude move. I told her I don't want anyone up the first day besides immediate family, because I am not going to feel good the day of surgery. Also I told her lets see how I feel, because nobody after major surgery feels good or really up for visitors. She started a huge fight with me over this. SO I am not sure if I am in the wrong. Advice would be helpful. =)

Answer Question
 
jerseyshorefan

Asked by jerseyshorefan at 6:10 PM on May. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (52 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • Omg she is wrong. I would uninvite her to the hospital until she can pull her head out of her ass.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 6:13 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • Thats what I was thinking, because she acts like shes in control and when I tell her no or if I don't agree with her she gives me and my husband an attitude.
    jerseyshorefan

    Comment by jerseyshorefan (original poster) at 6:14 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • You arent going to change your parents. It seems that you have tried to talk to them and it didn't work. You have two choices. You can cut off the visits to your parents, or you can accept the fact that they are who they are and just tell your son that there is a difference between Gma's and your house and Gma isn't the 'mommy' and mommies need to have rules.

    As for the new baby, tell the hospital that you don't want any other visitors.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:14 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • You are not in the wrong. First of all, regarding your son, he is YOUR son and your parenting style should always be respected. Of course he doesn't want to go home! At his grandparents, he gets spoiled. My kids are the same way - my dad tends to disrespect my rules regarding candy and junk food, so coming home to Mom's rules must not seem like much fun. But the grandparents can't throw out the rulebook just because they feel like it.

    Your mom is undermining you. That's unacceptable. Regarding your c-section, that is an incredibly personal time and it is absolutely your choice who comes/doesn't come to visit you the first day. Though she may not want to listen (sounds like she doesn't), you need to explain to her your feelings about seeing random people that day. If all else fails, you can tell the hospital staff explicitly that the first day you wish to see family only. GL mama! This is a hard situation.
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 6:16 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • your mom sounds just like mine in regards to constantly criticizing your parenting. as a matter of fact, my mom had my 2 and 4 year old last night and proceeded to tell me how much they whined about coming home to me, implying that they hate living here or something. then, bitched that i wasn't rushing my kids to urgent care today and instead waiting til tuesday when their doctor's office re-opens because they're sick, yet takes them to the freakin POOL! she is always undermining me in front of them too.

    however, the stuff with where he sleeps and the food they give him is really out of your hands because he's in their household. i hate that my mom loads them up on crap and then sends them home to me and they're also exhausted from staying up so late, but that's what grandma's do. i can't expect her to stop the only thing i could do is stop sending them, but i won't do that. "pick your battles"

    cont..
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 6:17 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • but with the hospital thing that's totally your right and she overstepped. whenever you feel comfortable having visitors is when that should happen, not on anyone else's watch.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 6:18 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • And then she throws in the "you don't have respect for me or treat me right." She throws this around when I don't let her control situations. Also I ask her when she has him for the weekend to go over his kindergarten stuff because he will be going into kindergarten this fall, and she doesn't even do that. She totally has no respect.

    She says I don't treat her right. When she needs something my husband and I are always the first ones over to help. When they need someone to weed whack, or cut grass, or do other stuff they cannot do my husband and I go over. Also if they need money my husband and I give it to them. We don't even ask for it back. We have given them money to grocery shop and everything. So I am the one who gets taken advantage of and not appreciated.
    jerseyshorefan

    Comment by jerseyshorefan (original poster) at 6:20 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • well im so sorry your feeling this way and I pray u and your mom work it all out.
    I think your mom is being a grandparent. I went thru a lot of this when my mom was still alive. We bumped heads so much
    I felt the same as you. But now that she is gone I can truly look back and say she was only being a grand parent and they do that at times.
    If there are any ideas that you can tell her like u care for his health so that's why u don't allow the junk or for him to stay up late. Your
    son probably feels like he is on vacation when he is there with them so imagine how we feel on vacation, we want to let go just a little. so
    enjoy life dear and get ready for your bundle. The situation with the hospital, just wait until that day. She will see that your are not feeling well and will ask them to leave (let's pray this) I know how c section feels and u dont want to be bothered.
    I think she is so proud of you and your child's
    Esam

    Answer by Esam at 6:21 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • I told her if she doesn't follow the rules that I won't be sending him overnight. My son was sick too I brought him to the doctors and because he's not better she said I should bring him back and that I am being a bad mother by not bringing him back. He has a cold. Theres not anything a doctor can do for a common cold.
    jerseyshorefan

    Comment by jerseyshorefan (original poster) at 6:22 PM on May. 29, 2011

  • my mom would be the exact same way. she always thinks they need antibiotics even for a common cold and will tell me i didn't "speak up" for them when the doctor didn't send them home with an antibiotic.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 6:25 PM on May. 29, 2011

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