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How can I get my daughter to not boss me around?

She is 5 and is always trying to tell me what to do. I tell her she is not and adult and she cannot order ppl around. 5 minutes later she is doing it again.

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Asked by momoftheRRgirls at 7:21 AM on Dec. 9, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (11)
  • If she is trying to boss you around then she is testing the waters. You have to let her know that she can not do this and that you are the parent. If she continues with this then I would come up with some kind of punishment.

    As far as bossing other people around. I would talk to her about why it is not a good idea to do this. She may or may not listen to you. She will learn when people start getting upset with her.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:24 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Five is an interesting age b/c they are completely out of toddler years, can remember the preschool era, and now have learned (if not mastered) independent skills. Now she wants to not only be her own boss but the boss of you too. Now her new found skills just need to be channeled in more appropriate ways. You can explain she is her own boss in most ways: she is the boss of her thoughts (you can't controll those), she is the boss of her feelings (ditto), and she is also the boss of how she acts on those thoughts and feelings - called behaviors (double ditto). But you are the parent which means you have rules for safety, for peace and harmony in the house, and to keep everyone well. When she tries to do your job then peace in the house goes out the window. It gets old. Try these several things...cont..

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:30 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • 1) Give her special time to role play and be the "boss" of you. But you get to also be her, show her how it feels when she is bossy but also include her sweet side in role play. All kids love to play as mom or dad - so let her get her time but during play not during times where you really do have to keep order.
    2) Give cirtificates of 15 minutes of boss of mom or boss of dad for her to turn in. This way you can ask for her certificate when she starts to boss. What? Used up all of your cirtificates? Oh, I'm sorry I guess you are not the boss right now.
    3) She wants attention. So set some a side each day for her. It can be ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes in the evening. Doesn't have to be long. But long enough so that she is being listened to, you are tracking her interests, and asking her opinions on her world.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:35 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • 4) When she "bosses" you around and it is not the appropriate time (your not role playing and she didn't have her special cirtificate) then a consequence has to be given. It can be very small but enough so she feels it. It has to be something immediate. She tells you, "go get my juice now." Conseqence, no juice. Easy enough. She tells you turn on the television, easy too. No television for you for the next hour. Take a toy, take whatever. But then make sure not to be mean about it. Just matter of fact. YOU ARE THE PARENT. So show her. You already have, that is why she practices on you. Now she just needs to learn there is a time and place. It is not her time yet nor her place. But she will get there eventually.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:38 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • You sit her down and explain the rules to her. "I am the mommy, you are the child. It is my job to teach you to respect me and all other authority figures. You do not tell me what to do--it is my job to tell you what I want done and then you are to do it. When you don't, you will be spanked--the number of swats on your bare leg or behind will be determined by me. This is your only warning. The next time you issue an order to me, you will be spanked. The next time you do not immediately obey me, you will also be spanked." Then you keep your word. It will not take too many repetitions for her to believe that you are the one in charge.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:07 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Quit trying to be her friend and start being her parent! Your job is not to make her like you, your job is to raise her to be good person!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • It's called tough love. Stop allowing her to feel like she has some type of control over you if you give in or feel bad for telling her no. And talk to her with some authority and if she continues take privileges away until her attitude is adjusted.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • my dd tried this it's very frustrating! I see a lot of moms screaming do this & don't do that well we have 3 children all with different personalities, they are people ya know lol ~ raising children is not just black and white concepts there's a lot of grey area there,I set my dd down & explained to her how disrespectful it was the way she was talking to me & that as her mother i was not going to continue to allow this, i told her how much i loved her & that instead of me always telling her what & when to do things that she had a right to voice her opinions but that i would ultimately make the best decisions for her but she was allowed to discuss the issues with me, she calmed down a lot, she still slips but not as much, good luck & 1 more thing you can be her friend as well as her mother :)


    Answer by tntornado45 at 9:56 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • At some point, you have obeyed her...that's why she continues most likely. Children will continue any behavior that gets the results they are looking for. It will take some time but you must be sure that you do not comply with her demands. Insist that she use please and thank-you. Do not back down if you have to say no. She must understand that No is No and always NO!

    Answer by TessaBianca at 10:16 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Be the parent.....she won't do it if it doesn't work for her. Stop allowing her to do it and discipline her when she does. It is called teaching her to respect you.

    Answer by ronronsbeauty at 10:39 AM on Dec. 9, 2008

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