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I'm scared that I'm going to lose my husband...What do I do?

We have been together for 3.5 yrs but have only been married a month. There is only one thing I love more than this man and it is our daughter. He lost his job 2 months ago and is just getting back to work. We have been fighting all the time cuz of the stress of no income. Last night we got into a huge fight and he threatened to leave me, to the point of telling me how much child support he'll give me and when. After a little more talking, he said he'd give me a week and see how it goes. It just hurts so bad. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he doesn't even know if he wants to be with me. I don't have anyone to talk to cuz I don't want anyone to think less of him. He is a wonderful man. I really don't want to lose him. Our fights start over little things. We are behind on most of our bills. The only time we ever fight is when we're stressed out over money, and we're so close to being back on our feet...

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Angelie04

Asked by Angelie04 at 4:48 PM on Jul. 11, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • ask your self this question, is money, or lack of, worth losing your husband?...you guys will fight and you will have moments were you might say things you dont mean but you guys should be in this together. your husband is probably feeling the stress of being the only one bringing in the money and when he lost his job he probably felt like he let you down...men cant deal with those kinds of feelings very well. maybe you should reassure him of what he means to you, how much you need him and that you are on his side no matter what. explain to him that you were scared about where you money situation was headed but you always had faith that he would make things better. thiese are things he needs to hear. good luck
    ms.youngmom20

    Answer by ms.youngmom20 at 5:03 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • The #1 reason for marital fights is over money. Concentrate on the positive. He's back working. That is a major plus. If he wants to bail out of a marriage at the first sign of a major problem then he needs to reevaluate what marriage means. He doesn't understand women much does he? We don't throw in the towel at the first bump in the road. We figure out a way to get past it or around it or knock it down. I would find some quiet time to talk with him and admit that you two have gone through a rough patch but it's getting back on track now. Spend the next week finding the positive. Say nice things and keep silent about any negative unless it's an emergency thing. Find the good. Tell him how great he is. I'm sure his ego needs it. Men want to be good providers and letting his family down was probably a big blow to his self esteem. Just tell him how much you love him and you'd be lost without him and hope that you and your daughter mean too much to him to leave.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:17 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • I say there is something else on his mind and he's the one freaking out. Youjust don't lose a job get ajob and have an argument over money.
    It's something else.
    Maybe look around the house and see what you don't use and sell it on ebay. It will pay some bills and take a lil for yourself while you're at it. Youdid the job you pay yourself and the bill and he can't harp on you.
    Someone at work may be making you look like a laze, and they may be looking good in his eyes. Guys act like this too when they are having an affair or the beginning stages of one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • Ok, i jus got divorced after my marriage of less than a year went rocky. My husband went 3 months without a job while i busted my butt being 5 months pregnant. I finally had to quit my job via doctor's request bc i was working too hard. Then during the duration of my pregnancy he didn't even try to get a job. The two weeks out of the hospital after having my son i finally went and got a job and left him. To this day he still does not have a job. I left him when my son was a month old, he is 3 months now. He in my opinion is a terrible father, and i resent myself for thinking he could grow up a little and accept the responsibility. But my son is happy and healthy and that makes everything so much better.
    RavensMommy48

    Answer by RavensMommy48 at 8:17 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • Well he is supposed to be the provider so do not complain about money, at all, ever. Don't even talk about like "I'm clipping coupons hunny" because some men really take it as an insult, if we complain that they aren't doing their job in bringing home the bacon.

    All you can do is keep the kids healthy, the house nice, make it inviting, and be loving. This is a tough time for him, and really the first year of marriage was for us.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 9:38 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • The thing is, we're not fighting over money. We are both really stressed out because of the money and fighting over stupid shit...all the time. He is a wonderful husband and father. I don't care about the money. He quit his job because he had a better job lined up. 2 days before he was supposed to start, they called him and told him no job..too late to get old job back. I am not mad at him. I don't blame him for our hard times. I just want to be with him..I really don't care about the other stuff. He was just trying to make a better life for us. I am so tired of fighting...but he is so sensitive lately everything's a fight. I asked him if he was coming to bed last night, and he got mad cuz I was telling him what to do. I just wanted to fall asleep next to him.
    Angelie04

    Answer by Angelie04 at 10:18 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • We're way behind on bills...Credit Card companies are not forgiving at all. You miss one payment and suddenly you are $200 over your limit. We took a checking account advance to pay our rent...and they are taking it out of our bank account on the 16th whether there's money there or not...he won't get his 1st check til the 18th. We haven't paid our utilities for 3 months. Our phones are about to get shut off, as well as the cable & internet. The only thing we paid last month was the carpayment and the rent. After putting gas in the car and buying diapers, we were out. (Got on welfare so that we had something coming in...i know that was a big blow to his ego.)
    Angelie04

    Answer by Angelie04 at 10:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • And now he's been working for a week...with overtime...and we won't even see that money because of the bank. Besides the child support he owes on the kid we have had the entire time he hasn't paid it. I really don't think there's anything going on outside our financial problems. All that is more than enough to drive a person crazy. I just hope we can get through it together.
    Angelie04

    Answer by Angelie04 at 10:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • Relationships can be hit hard during stressful times- but they can also make your bond even stronger. Try doing special things for each other that don't cost money. Perhaps set aside 10-20 mins a day when you just hold each other/ give massages with no talking allowed- just some healing time from the stress. Don't be afraid to talk with others and get help- just make sure they are the right ppl and he doesn't feel threatened by you sharing with them. Good luck
    ChattyWifePlus2

    Answer by ChattyWifePlus2 at 11:25 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • The two of you need to support each other. When you marry it is for better or for worse. Now that he is back to work you should sit down and budget yourself to make sure that everything is going to be fine. Then look at him and your daughter and remember why you guys fell in love. Never lose hope.
    bellalatina81

    Answer by bellalatina81 at 11:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

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