Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

It's been 8 months since he cheated...

As much as I want to forgive him. Why is it so hard to let go?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on May. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • You will never forget what he did even if you forgive him. Which is why the majority of relationships do not recover once a spouse has cheated. Trust is broken...you will always have doubts.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:50 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • takes a lot of time
    and that is when he is willing to do ANYTHING to make up for his past actions
    that means when it comes up for you, and you are mad again, hurt again, doubt again - he needs to let you be that, feel that, and he needs to do so with a open heart, willing to allow you to feel these things
    if he can not do this, it will never heal

    and yes, you will not trust for a long time, will want to checkup on him, if he takes this badly and throws anything back in your face - it will not work

    very hard to get over this, and he will have to be very patient while you heal and re heal againand again

    is he doing things what is needed?

    trust is a 100% thing, when broken it can never be 100% again, can be 99%
    like a plate that breaks, if you have all the parts, you can glue it together, but it will always show that it was broken

    it all depends on if he can allow you to heal
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:54 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • 8 months isnt that long to get over somthing like that.. it took me 3 years to get over my ex cheating on me... I think its great your trying to work things out. Good Luck Mommy!
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 8:57 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • Sometimes I feel a little crazy. Because I look at her face book like... every other day. What is it about her that made the love of my life stray away from our marriage? We were only married for 4 months..My heart is still broken. Sometimes I wonder if it's been 8 months already have I waited too long to leave now? I know he's sorry and I'm scared to leave him. But don't I deserve better?

    Shouldnt he listen to me when I yell at him for breaking my heart? Should I have to cry myself to sleep at night? I can't believe how much it still hurts.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:59 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • Because you dont trust him. He betrayed you. He broke his wedding vows. That is why. My ex cheated and I knew I would never see him the same way and had to kick him to the curb.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:02 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • Forgiveness does not just happen. It is more of a choice than anything else. I suggest that every time a thought of this enters your mind, you say out loud to yourself, "I choose to forgive him." Then replace the negative thoughts with more positive ones--like what it was that attracted you to him in the first place. Practiced regularly over a period of time, you will finally begin to "feel" the forgiveness. It does take work of sorts, but it will be worth it in the end.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:05 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • fiat gives the best advice here...
    I wouldn't look at her FB if I were you. Actually I would, so the best thing would be to delete her. WHY are you friends with her on FB??? You aren't crazy, you are heartbroken. If you drove across the country wearing a diaper so you didn't have to stop to pee, so you could beat her ass, THEN you'd be crazy. (Remember the NASA chic?) But, no, I think you are just heartbroken. And rightfully so.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:06 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • Shes not my friend on FB, just has an open profile... Thanks for your humor Raine2001, that made me smile.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:10 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • What is it about her that made the love of my life stray away from our marriage?

    It's not her, it's something within HIM that made him stray; you and he need to realize this.  Neither of you will ever get past this until that fact is realized.  He needs to understand what drove him to the behavior and learn from it or there is no hope for the two of you because he'll just do it again.  And don't let him give you the lines about how he wasn't happy or it was something YOU were or weren't doing ... that's immature crap.  Any person with half a brain cell in their head knows that if a problem exists within a marriage, the answer will never be found outside the marriage in the form of an extramarital affair.  Too bad he didn't have the balls to talk to you before he decided to act in this manner.

    As far as it being 8 months, that is not enough time to get over much of anything.  May take years; give it time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on May. 30, 2011

  • Took me 10 years before I could forgive DH. We went through counseling and he learned a lot about himself. I wasn't ready to give up what we had (we had been together nearly 12 years at that point) without trying to repair our marriage. I was prepared to leave and I was prepared to stay, depending on how things went. It wasn't easy but we worked through our problems and we are better and stronger and more secure because of it (going on 26+ years).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on May. 30, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN