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My daughter is moving away and I can't help am I being rude?

My daughter moved in with me (for the 3rd time) about a year and a half ago. She lived with me when her first baby was born and I was there when she gave birth. I ended up moving out of state and she stayed with a man she fell in love with. It was so hard leaving them, but he wouldn't leave his family. After he beat her for the umpteenth time, she finally came home to stay with me. By this time they had a baby together. She is now 2. I have a mobile home on my property that I was renovating for them to live in. She now wants to go to Kentucky which is about 10 hours away to stay closer to her friends. I know she is doing it because she thinks it's best for her and the kids. There are no job opportunities here at all. She's working very hard on packing her things to leave in July. I can't seem to bring myself to help her. I've been hiding my tears and if I go and help her pack, I know I'm going to just lose it in front of her. I don't want her to see me crying. I don't want her to feel bad for doing what she thinks is best. I just can't seem to get myself to help her because it's like I'm saying it's ok or for her to get out. I know that not helping isn't going to make her stay or put it off at all. Am I being rude, or does anyone have any advice to handling this without breaking down in tears when I help?

 
attap5

Asked by attap5 at 3:44 PM on May. 30, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 19 (7,524 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I can understand why it will be so hard to help her pack but I feel you should talk to her about your feelings. She may be feeling that you just don't care when in fact you do. Make sure she knows you want her to stay but that you support her in her move.
    Jakesmommie

    Answer by Jakesmommie at 3:56 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Awwww momma I went through it last summer, only she didnt move far.I think I might have died if she did. But I had raised the grandkids and felt like she was riping my heart out just moving out on her own. All I can say is be honest with her. Tell her how it makes you feel and why you cant bring yourself to be motivated to help.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:52 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • I don't think you are wrong at all for feeling the way that you do, and I don't think she would fault you for it if you were open with her. I don't think you always have to be strong. You can cry and pack at the same time. You can know that she is doing the right thing trying to go somewhere that has jobs, but be sad to see your daughter and grandkids go at the same time.

    I would just be up front with her.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 3:54 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Because you will miss her when she has moved is not a good reason to not help her. Go and help, be encouraging, and if the tears come, hide them.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:00 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • You are doing the best your can. It's hard to watch our children move so far away, and now you have grandchildren that you will miss. Just do the best you can and if you cry hopefully she will understand why. We love our children
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 4:01 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • There is nothing wrong with telling her you are sad she is moving. It might even be a "good relationship" moment if you were to break down in front of her. It will be hard but just be glad she is moving on with her life in a responsible way. Tell her you expect her to keep in touch and that you will call and will visit at every chance you can. Who knows, she may be back in a year. LOL
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 4:06 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • It will be ok to let her see you break down even though she may or may not change her mind at least she knows your feelings and soon she will realize what she is doing. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:11 AM on May. 31, 2011

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