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3 Bumps

Is she just trying to get her way?

Dd is 3 1/2 and DH says she does things differently when I'm around. We recently changed positions (I go to work, he stays home) and I feel he's too tough on her so she always asks me. I've been with her from when she was born to 3 years and she's always been really clingy to me yet distant from daddy. She will do things for dad (like dress herself or use the toilet by herself ) and ask for help from me when I'm around. I don't do it for her I just sit by her and talk to her or something while she's doing what she needs to. But she whines so much and if I'm talking to dh about something she screams "MOMMY!!!" until I go to her. I just can't figure out if she's trying to get her way or trying to get time with me because i'm not there nearly as much as I used to be (I'm working 50+ hours a week). Any advice on an way to deal with this?

Answer Question
 
07lilmama1108

Asked by 07lilmama1108 at 4:37 PM on May. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,033 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • BUMP- but she probably just misses you, but as well as trying to get her way.
    babygirl_18

    Answer by babygirl_18 at 4:45 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Kids are manipulative, because they have no power. She's undoubtedly pushing your buttons, but you can only change one thing at a time, especially with a 3 yo. Both of you have to have a united front, and agree how you are going to enforce discipline, then be consistent. If you want her to dress herself, try a chart, a reward system, and then just work on it. Plan some time to just be with her when you first come home, then when she is satisfied, you can talk to DH in relative peace. If you make a rule, plan on enforcing it. Initially, the behavior may get worse, but then it should get better. She will test you to see if you are serious.
    dwmom2008

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 4:59 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • DH has a different STYLE than you. That doesn't nec. make it bad. I agree with PP make some time to be with her 1:1 when you get home. Give her extra cuddles and time but make sure to back up dh's rules and ways. Talk to him sep. and after dd is in bed if you truly feel strongly about something.
    More than likely its BOTH... she misses you and she's testing boundaries/learning how far she can manipulate a situation. She is exploring her world and seeing what she can control... its normal, typical stage of dev. the imp. thing is letting her know yes you love her and she is awesome but that there are boundaries and that its not okay to try to get b/w Mommy and Daddy... we BOTH love you and each other. ITs not just getting YOUR attention... its not allowing EITHER of you to have each other as your focus (aimed at all adults not just one)... prob. knows you'll cave too LOL
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:40 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • I agree with the others.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 9:52 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • I noticed that my kids, who were so... stressful to me that I finally got a job so I could have some "me" time... behave completely different for other people. I come home from work, expecting DH to be pulling his hair out (because he works FT and does NOT have any idea what the kids can be like) - and he says "oh, they were wonderful! No whining, no arguing... just peacefully playing together all day. They never said no to anything I asked them to do and blah blah blah" (I tuned him out...)

    Of course, the minute I walk in the door, it's chaos. "They weren't like that until you came home!". Whatever.
    MunchiesMom324

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 9:56 PM on May. 30, 2011

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