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My family continually asks to borrow money, but today I said "no"...am I mean?

My sister and her husband are struggling, and I understand that, but I've already loaned them $150 a couple of weeks ago. Now my bil is asking to borrow $50. My sister usually pays me back...I'm not sure about the $150 though. I know my bil wouldn't have paid back the $50, so I told him no (on facebook). Now I feel bad. They always let me stay at their house when I visit with my daughter, and I always give them money to help out during our stay.

Am I mean? Do you think he'll be mad at me when he gets the facebook message that I said "no")?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on May. 30, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think that is a very reasonable distinction.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 6:18 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • To me, it depends on how they manage their money...do they put off bills to buy things for themselves, etc. My parents are like that and I would never loan them money. If it were a matter of power being shut off or something I probably would but for a gate....I would say no.
    cmgIII

    Answer by cmgIII at 6:28 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • If I knew my family were struggling and were trying to improve their situation and acting responsibly but just needed some help, and if i were in a position to do it. Yes I would help. And I wouldn't expect repayment either. But that's how I am because of the family I have. I know they would do the same for me in a heartbeat. I don't think it makes you mean or a bad person. But if you are feeling guilty I would explore that feeling a bit and discover where that guilt comes from because usually when we feel guilty it's because we did something our gut tells us is wrong. That is really up to you to decide. :)
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 6:11 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Well I feel guilty because I DO have the money, but he only wanted it so he could bbq. It's not like he needs the money...they needed the $150 to repair a gate.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:13 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • I have to say no once and a while as well
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:13 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • If it was not for a necessary thing, I don't think you are being mean at all. I don't mind loaning most of my family members money without much question, because they have ALWAYS paid me back when they said they would in full. If you are already questioning the $150, then don't add to it.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:31 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • If you don't feel comfortable considering it a gift, don't loan the money. At some point it will go bad, and it could end up damaging the relationship. No BBQ or $50 is worth it.
    DarlaHood

    Answer by DarlaHood at 6:46 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • no you shouldnt feel bad you dont always have to say yes all the time i know that is hard cause he is family but they have to understand that you cant always give them $ when they ask
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 7:48 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Do they have anybody else to borrow money from? If it's for a good reason, like utilities, I would say yes. But if it is totally unnecessary, I would think about it a little more. Do either of them have a job?
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:43 AM on May. 31, 2011

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